Scrubs Season 5 Episode 6: "My Missed Perception" Quotes
(J.D. and Keith go and see a patient)
J.D.: Miss Brooks, your blood work looks fine. But I'd like to take one more sample, just for me. (Opens his mouth to reveal fangs and starts biting Miss Brooks, then puts blood in a vile.) You taste a little anemic. Get that down to the lab, buddy.
Keith: Right away, Dr. Acula.
J.D: That's what they call me. How you doing?
(Cuts to the cafeteria with J.D. reading a script to Turk and Elliot, then closes it)
J.D.: The end.
Turk: So Dr. Acula's a doctor and a vampire?
J.D.: He's both. And at the very end, I'm going to put "Dr. Acula" across the screen, take that period, get it out of there, squish it together, it'll say "Dracula".
Turk: That is an awesome ending!
J.D.: Thank you for telling me what I already know, Turk!
Elliot: Ronald's gonna be mad.
J.D.: Yeah well he's six. What's he going to do? Kick my ass?
J.D.'s Narration: Again?
Tomorrow it'll be the last one to touch my face. No, I'm not going to like that. The last one to touch my bottomno, that's probably illegal. I'll tell you what, I'll just e-mail everyone. That's what I'll do. In this day and age that's what you do.
J.D.
Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: (Starts freaking out) Oh my God! Oh my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it lieve it lieve it! Who hoo hoo hoo hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this. It's crazy talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played Hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox leaves
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange young man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.
J.D.: If you're wondering what a "thank you for being my doctor" card from Mrs. Wilk looks like, it look a little something like this.
Shows Dr. Cox a card
Dr. Cox: "Happy anniversary, gals"?
J.D: Oops this one's for my aunt Judy and her lady friend.
First one to chug their slushee is off the hook. Come on here we go! (Chugs his slushee) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Oh! Brain freeze!
Turk
Todd: Where's the Booby-touching booth?
J.D.: It's like everyone was lured out here by the thing they want most.
(Dr. Cox comes running out of the doors with his pager beeping then stops when he sees J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Hey, you're not getting your ass kicked!
Elliot: Don't you think that maybe, the pain could all be in his head?
Mrs. Peele: Last week, we were watching Tv and he was in too much pain to get up to go to the bathroom, that he soiled himself, on the couch, right in front of our son. How do you explain that?
Turk: Maybe there was a really good game on television.
(Pause)
Elliot: Probably not.
Dr. Cox: Never make assumptions based on your own perceptions. Just... never do it.
J.D.: Really? You've been spending a lot of time treating my guy, Mr. Jenkins, right?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, he's a Vietnam veteran, he deserves as much.
J.D.: Yeah, actually, he's just a homeless guy. I made up the war veteran story to motivate my boys! But, what're you gonna do?
(Cox starts flashing his "warning light.")
J.D.: Oh, come on! You've gotten me like a hundred times. I finally got ya once! It was bound to happen, right?
Dr. Cox: I see your point. Kindly blow it out your ass.
Dr. Cox: Say, Newbie. I, uh, I gotta hand it to ya - it took the heart of a lion to apologize to Mrs. Wilk like that.
J.D.: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Of course, it took the incompetence of a bewildered jackass to make that error to begin with.
Carla: I thought you were trying to kill me.
Janitor: I fought the urge.
Carla: How did you get all these people to come down here?
Janitor: Fear.
