Dr. Cox: Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there until that night Junior year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well he dropped by. And he brought a copy of "About Last Night" and a four-pack of Bartel's and James and ba-dow hoo-hoo-hoo it was gone forever. Just like my patience is now.
Jill: So you do scary little speeches? That is so adorable!

Todd: Do you know what else stands up for itself?
J.D.: You know Todd, I'm not sure, but I'm gonna guess that it's your penis

Elliot: Doctor Cox...
Dr. Cox: And there you are.
Elliot: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: I was just now wondering if there is anything that could actually push my headache into a full-blown migrane and there you are. What's the story on the adbit in sixty-four?
Elliot: She's great! I really like her!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, let's see if you can't focus on things that I actually give a rat's ass about

J.D.: But you just accepted my apology. You can't take it back!
Carla: Have you ever spent time with a woman?

J.D.: Hey. What are you doin'?
Turk: Reading a book. About how to tell my room-mate he drives me crazy sometimes without hurting his feelings.
J.D.: I think sarcasm works better when it's shorter.
Turk: Fascinating.
J.D.: Yeah, see, there ya go

J.D.: Ohhh, I can't believe I went out last night.
Carla: I thought you said you were exhausted?
J.D.: I was, but I figured I owed it to the ladies!
Carla: Do you ever stop giving?

J.D.: Are we still on for that, uh, Bresson exhibit?
Carla: Yes, we are.
Turk: Oh, I'm sorry, uh...did somebody just ask out my girlfriend?
J.D.: You wanna come?
Carla: Oh: Black and white photography; very artsy-fartsy; no boobies.
Turk: Hell no.

[Turk is in Kelso's spot]
Dr. Kelso: Nice spot.
Turk: Yes, sir... it is.
Dr. Kelso: I usually try to get out here for lunch every day at 12:30.
Turk: You don't say...
Dr. Kelso: Yep. Every day. 12:30. For twenty-three years

Jill: Okay, what if you've had three great dates and he likes you so much, he hasn't even tried to have sex with you yet?
Elliot: I could sabotage that relationship in two phone calls.
Jill: I could do it in one.
Elliot: Jill, Sabotage That Relationship!
Jill: For starters, I would ask him why he finds me so repulsive, then I would coerce him into having phone sex with me, after which I would ask him if he thinks we have a future together... and then I'd probably just cry until he hung up on me.
Elliot: We are so alike!

Jill: When I get out of here, we should totally hang!
Elliot: I'd love to! I should warn you, though, I work a ton, and when I'm off I usually stay at home to catch up on paperwork or read medical journals just to stay ahead of the curve. Oh, I'm a nerd

Elliot: What did you do?
J.D.: She called me "Bambi" in front of everyone. My name is not Bambi!
Janitor: It's Scooter!

Turk: Baby, J.D. is my best friend, but, listen, if you need me to kick his ass, I will kick his ass! 'Cause I care for you.
Carla: And 'cause I'm willing to sleep with you.
Turk: Hell, yeah

Scrubs Season 1 Episode 10 Quotes

J.D.: So, did you, uh-did you get into photography when you were in college, or...?
Carla: No, actually, I never went to college.
J.D.: Ah. Don't tell any of my patients, but neither did I.

Carla: You know I was only gonna go to that stupid exhibit because I wanted you to think I was brainy or something. I'm so angry at myself.
J.D.: Oh, thank goodness, 'cause I thought you were mad at me.