Scrubs Season 4 Episode 2: "My Office" Quotes
J.D.: I am a medical professional, and you are not gonna get me to compete with Elliot.
Dr. Cox: Well, Jo-Jo, right now she's winning.
J.D.: Let me know how to get back on top. I'll do anything, even if it means I have to kill somebody!
Dr. Cox: Well, you could start by getting the lightbulb out of this genius's pooper. Impress me.
Dr. Cox: I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm-
Elliot: Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: -ah, dammit!
Elliot: Dr. Cox is naming ass-face, here, at 3. It's too late.
Carla: Well maybe it's not too late.
Elliot: Yeah it is, Carla.
Molly: Maybe it's not.
Elliot: You know what, you're right, Molly. Maybe it isn't!
Carla: What the hell?
Turk: They're all against you!
J.D.'s Narration: Dr. Molly Clock, the new attending psychiatrist. Yes, she was HOT! But I wasn't a fan. For one thing, she's always calling me "Johnny." Also, she wasn't very nice.
Molly: Hey, sit with us. We'll make room, even if I have to stand.
J.D.'s Narration: What. A. Bitch.
Doug wanted me to give this patient five hundred thousand milligrams of morphine. I thought I'd check with you before I kill a man.
Laverne
Dr. Kelso: Last chance Perry, fix this kid. I've paged a surgical consult.
Dr. Cox: Of course you did.
Todd: I hear this guy's got a light bulb up his ass!
Dr. Cox: Are.. are you the surgical consult?
Todd: No. I'm not even working today! I just want to ask him four questions...
Dr. Kelso: Maybe I wasn't clear. This patient is important. Translation: Don't pass him off to dumb guy!
Doug: Sir, I take issue with that...
Dr. Kelso: Son, you were gathering a group of large orderlies to get the lightbulb out of the patient by doing what?
Doug: Shaking him like a beach towel... (shakes folder)
Elliot: Don't worry, I just came to check on my patients.
J.D.: Do whatever you want, just don't come over to my area.
Elliot: You couldn't pay me to come over to your area.
J.D.: Well, I wouldn't pay you.
Elliot: Well, you don't have enough money.
J.D.: It just so happens, I have a rich uncle who'd do anything for me, but I'd
never call in that favor just to pay you to come over to my area.
J.D.'s Narration Got her!
Dr. Cox: I really need a win, I did. And I finally got one and you, you stole it man!
Turk: I needed one too!
Janitor: Boohoo! Where's my win? Think anyone thanks me for cleaning bathrooms?
Turk: Janitor, the bathrooms are filthy.
Janitor: Well, no one was thanking me so I quit cleaning them.
Doug: Pick the hot chick!
J.D.: Shut up, Doug! - We'll take the hot chick.
Carla: I've told Elliot a million times that she would be a good chief resident, but she just ignored me.
Laverne: Maybe she's racist.
The best thing about this place is that when someone's really in trouble, all the pettiness melts away.
J.D.
