Scrubs Season 4 Episode 11: "My Unicorn" Quotes
J.D.: Anyway, know Mr. Marks? He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor? But he's got a son! We gotta find this guy!
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie, there are times a man wants to keep something to himself. Like, say, he's got a son. Or he's 29-years-old and keeps a journal with a unicorn drawn on the cover?
J.D.: Ah, that's a horse with a sword on his head, and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams.
Jordan: Don't judge me, stick. You do what you have to do to level the playing field.
Elliot: Well, Carla and I would never behave that way.
Carla: Thank you.
Elliot: How'd you get chocolate cake? He said they didn't have any!
Carla: Oh. I just did like this (thrusts cleavage) and said, "Got cake?"
Elliot: I have been kicking ass lately, but this place is such a boys' club I still can't even get x-rays or lab tests back on time.
Carla: Hey, Elliot, if you're desperate to get things done, you could always do what Jordan does.
Jordan: Could you move my car out of the sun? If the seat gets too hot, my thighs get all pink and sweaty.
The guy grabs the keys and takes off in a flash.
Jordan: Yeah. Bye-bye, security guard.
Elliot: Hm. Very classy.
Elliot: Oh my God, I am so sorry. I'm just having the worst day.
Turk: It's no biggie. Forgive and forget, right?... (to cross): Please get her.
Elliot: Do you have chocolate cake today?
Cafeteria Worker: Nope.
Elliot: Oh. Isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day!
J.D.'s Narration: Life in a hospital is never boring.
Carla: What the hell are you guys doing?
Turk: Practicing our slow motion run.
J.D.: Makes everything seem more dramatic.
Carla: You're doctors. Doctors.
Turk: Baby?
J.D.: Go get her, Turk!
Turk: Waaaaaaiiiiit!
J.D.: Oh, he's slow.
J.D.'s narration: Make the flesh and blood argument again but in a different way.
J.D.: Blood and flesh, Murray.
Murray: I'll do it.
J.D.'s narration: Jackpot!
Murray: Look you obviously have some issues with your own father that you're projecting onto me so why don't you go ahead and give him a jingle?
J.D.: He's dead.
Murray: Good stuff!
J.D.: No I'm serious.
Murray: Classic!
J.D.: He had like a massive heart attack.
Murray: I'm sorry for your loss.
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I got too involved with Murray and his fake real dad. But as I watched Gregory serenade a clearly uncomfortable Murray, I realized something. If Murray could look past his dad's imperfections and appreciate all the time he'd given him, maybe I owe Dr. Cox a thank-you for the same thing.
J.D.: Hey. I just wanted to take a second to thank you for constantly berating me, doubting my abilities, and the overall devastation of my self-esteem.
Dr. Cox: My pleasure.
Janitor: Hey, buddy. I need you to reconsider Blonde Doctor. And I'm gonna tell you why. See, I'm the future Mr. Blonde Doctor? And I kinda need this to happen so that I can, uh - hey, over here - I need this to happen so that I can just hang out around the house and, you know, bake bread or... gab across the fence with neighbor Marge. Nice lady. Polish, I think. Doesn't matter, I'm not prejudice.
Interviewer: What the hell are you talking about?
Janitor: Here's the thing: I need you to take this can of orange soda, turn, smile, and give Blonde Doctor a big thumb's up! Or, I'm gonna take the same orange soda, follow you down to the parking lot, and smash your head in with it.
Turk: Ladies. I think we've learned our lesson.
Jordan: That is not helpful, Turkleton!
Turk: I was covered in bees!
Elliot, wait! Elliot, you did your flirty manipulation thing in front of that guy in there, and now, well, he kinda thinks you're this despicable floozy ho excuse for a doctor!
Carla
