Scrubs Season 3 Episode 3: "My White Whale" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Yeah, but, still... He is the best pediatrician on staff, and since we both work here we're gonna have a lot of pull over him. I mean, come on, Jordan, you haven't let me make one decision about our son. Which is why, by the way, you'll be doing the answering when he asks why daddy's wee-wee doesn't have a turtleneck on it like his.
Jordan: Yeah, fine. Whatever you said.
Dr. Cox: I love him!
Jordan: Of course you do - he's you! And nobody loves you more than you! You know that.
Dr. Cox: I think, Dr. Norris, what we're looking for is someone who's not too alarmist but also not too lax, either.
Dr. Norris: Oh, God, please let that someone be me!
Jordan: Look, you're obviously a little busy with your doll...
Dr. Norris: My doll? It's a collectible.
Jordan: Someone's gonna get his ass bit!
Well, if it isn't Dr. Haircut and her not-ready-for-primetime players!
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Well, don't worry about it, son, those things are a dime a dozen.
Bruce: Really?
Dr. Kelso: In fact, if you get bored, why don't you just hijack an ice cream truck and drive it through our brand new pathology lab? But do me a favor and spare the paper shredder, because I'll need that to turn your next twelve paychecks into a clown wig you can wear for the rest of your internship!
J.D.: Look, guys, I'm not here to overwork ya, okay? I'm not--I'm not just your resident - I'm your buddy, I'm your go-to guy... I'm J.D.
J.D.'s Narration: Of course, my tack had its own drawbacks.
J.D.: But it is crucial I have everyone here at 9 a.m. sharp tomorrow, okay?
Intern 1: Oh, uh... is it cool if I come at 9:30?
J.D.: Absolutely. Anyone else need to be late?
Intern 2: I can't.
Intern 3: Bad for me.
J.D.: Okay, well, why don't we-why don't we just make it 10, then? Okay? Break!
Intern 4: I can be here at 9.
J.D.: But I said 10!
J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, lots of things last longer than you wish they would... Especially certain stupid relationships with stupid Sea World trainers who stole my stupid girl!
Sean: Well, I've, uh, I've got whales to train.
J.D.: Stupid whales.
Janitor: Heh-hah-hah. You drew on the wall. You drew on the wall!
J.D.: You pulled the paper away!
Janitor: Stop lyin'. It's gonna come off, right?
FLASHBACK
J.D.: Dan, don't! That's dad's indelible space pen! And prom is in like two weeks!
Cut to...FRONT PORCH
J.D.: Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Shefford. I'm... here to pick up Amy for... prom.
J.D. has P R O M ! scribbled on his forehead.
END FLASHBACK
J.D.: Yeah, that-that'll come off - you won't have to get laser surgery or skin from your ass or anything.
Dr. Norris: Zachary, remember what Mr. Cookiepants always says about blowing your nose: "If it's clear, have no fear; if it's bloody, come see your buddy!" What do you want?
Jordan: Well, we're looking for a new pediatrician for our son...
Dr. Norris: And you figured that, even though my patient load is full, since you're on the board of directors and Dr. Cox here is not only an attending at the hospital but also an internationally renowned pain-in-the-ass, you both could show complete disregard for my schedule and make me want to cause you grievous bodily harm even before we were properly introduced...? Helloooo. I'm Dr. Norris.
Jordan: Charmed.
Dr. Cox: This time, try not to scare off the doctor.
Jordan: I did not scare off the last guy!
Dr. Cox: You bit him.
Jordan: I tripped and my teeth hit his shoulder.
Dr. Cox: Uh-huh. And once that happened, did you clamp down a little bit? Jordan!
Jordan: Well-
Dr. Cox: Oh, you come on!
Jordan: Well, he had a bad attitude!
Sean: Ohhh. Dolphins won again.
Elliot: Mmm.
Sean: Here you go.
Sean holds the paper out to the tank. A killer whale surfaces and "reads" it
Sean: I'm gonna be hearing about this all day.
Dr. Cox: We'll be back with our decision.
Dr. Norris: Super! I'll be by my giant pretend phone pretending to give a crap.
Dr. Cox: Oh, by the way-
Dr. Norris: Brring! (Picks up giant phone) Hellooo? (Covers receiver and looks back at Dr. Cox) Ooh, sorry, gotta take this.
