J.D.: What?
Jamie: J.D., I really wanted tonight to be romantic.
J.D.: Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling am I supposed to lose in my extremities?
Jamie: Just enough so it still hurts.

Elliot: This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!
J.D.: Hm?
Elliot: Oh, I-I didn't already buy a wedding dress. I mean, I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy... Whether it was half-off or not..

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing: It is on you, pardner. You gotta start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass. Okay?
J.D.: It's on you, pardner!
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word.

Carla: What was your mother's funeral like?
Dr. Cox: Wouldn't know - skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was very moving.

Janitor: So, anyway, you said you liked mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own! You like 'em?
J.D.: Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day, I was asking myself, "How can I display my package in a way that's both alluring and professional?"
Janitor: Well, there's your answer!
J.D.: Ugh.
Janitor: HAH-HAH-HAH! Ahhh! To be young and in shorts!

Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?
J.D.: We're doing fine!
Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!
J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.
Elliot: Mm.
J.D.: I have to saw something later.

Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!

Ted: See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.
Dr. Cox: Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.
Ted: I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry! You can't just go around brow-beating nut-jobs and bullying fatties!
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your lame-ass doctor-patient seminar... So, in essence, there, Big Bob, there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

Carla: I know she was... old. Still, she was my best friend. I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?
Turk: You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.
Carla: She would like that.
Turk: Baby, she hated me.
Carla: Yeah, she did.

Janitor: Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today. You saw the schedule: Monday-Tuesday, shorts; Wednesday, we wash 'em; Thursday-Friday, shorts; weekend, optional - I'll be wearing shorts.

J.D.: This burger's really meaty. I'm serious - you can really taste all the meat.
Jamie: Yeah, you know, I'm actually gonna go put my sweats on.
J.D.: You're already wearing sweats.

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Turk: See, J.D., the thing that I always liked about you was that you were just yourself - you never cared about what people thought.
J.D.: And that's why you hung out with me?
Turk: No, you had a car. Still do.

Dr. Cox: Why are you doing this?
Jordan: I'll tell you why I'm doing this, Perry. Because we've been dancing the same annoying dance for years now! One of us gets angry and walks away, and the other person's too stubborn to go after them. Before you know it, you're sleeping with some toothpick-size pharmaceutical rep, and I'm trying to convince my mom that the thing in my suitcase is a giant electric melon-baller! Well guess what? Things are different now - we have a kid together. I'm not going home until you promise that you're coming home with me.
Dr. Cox: You go home. I'll meet you there later.
Jordan: Bring dinner.