Carla: You never explained that U2 thing, did you!
Elliot: You know, I've been thinking about it, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that that happened! Right? I mean, things have been going really well between us, and maybe it was fate! I could've been looking at my Bel Biv Devoe CD and said, "I love Bel Biv Devoe" - which I do, by the way. And I'm not ashamed of it.
Carla and Elliot: "That girl is poison..."
Carla: Elliot, look, I just think that if you guys are meant to get to this point, it'll happen... naturally.
Elliot: You're right! "I love U2!" Dammit! Why do I always have to say every little thing that comes into my head!? Ugh, I really wish you wouldn't stand so close to me after you take your hummus break. See! I didn't need to say that! I'm gonna tell him.
Paul: Love you!
Elliot: Love you more!
Carla: Ugh!
Elliot: You know what - brush your teeth, then judge me!

Paul: You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.
Elliot: Me too.
Paul: God, you drive me crazy.
Elliot: Oh, you drive me crazy!
Paul: Sometimes I just lay awake at night, thinking about how unbelievably lucky I am to have you in my life.
Elliot: Sometimes you're so controlling it makes me want to strangle you.

Dr. Cox: And there it is.
Dr. Kelso: There what is!?
Dr. Cox: This whole "I don't care what people think about me" act? It's pretty convincing. But methinks there's a sad little cartoon boy living inside the hairy beast. And he's sad because, at the end of the day, he realizes that the only thing people think about is what an evil son-of-a-bitch he really is. See you later, Bobbigator.
Dr. Kelso: Hey! If this check bounces, I'm coming for you!

Paul: Okay, here's what you do: First you say that, even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.
Elliot: Oh, my God! Are you actually telling me how to break up with you?
Paul: You're right. Go ahead.
Elliot: If you could just start me off, that'd be super.

Elliot: You know, it's funny... when I said "I love you," it was an accident - and I never really loved you at all.
Paul: That is an absolute riot.

Woman: Hi! Can I buy you a drink?
Turk: No, I'm good. Thank you.
J.D.: You see that? You see that right there? That has never happened to me - a hot girl has never asked to buy me a drink. Apple-tini please - easy on the tini.
Bartender: No problem, lady.

J.D.: Man! Ever since college, you always make everything seem so easy. No matter where you are, you always fit in. I dunno, I guess, I thought with this surgery elective, it might be nice not to feel like a total dork for once.
Turk: J.D., look at me. You are a dork.
J.D.: Not all the time!
Turk: Every second, since the moment I met you.

Dr. Kelso: Ted, have you noticed how happy the minions are lately?
Ted: I wish I was dead.
Dr. Kelso: Yep. People love working here.

Dr. Cox: As much as it may seem like it, to me personally, I feel desperately compelled to remind you that we are in fact not in prison and am just so not your bitch.
Jordan: Watch your language in front of the baby.
Dr. Cox: You're gonna have to trust me on this one, seems as you're his mother, he's gonna hear that word early, and he's gonna hear it often. Like non-stop.

Dr. Cox: In response to the beastiality rumor circulating about you, I've decided to forego calling you by the usual girl's name and instead I'm going to be referring to you by whatever famous dog I can think of. I've gone with Lassie because of course that satisfies the critera of being both a girl and a dog's name, thus helping you ease into the transition.
J.D.: I was just running kissing drills.
Dr. Cox: That's completely normal then.

Dr. Cox: Word to the wise there, Astro. Sarcasm does not sit well with the big dog, so consider this a warning, because the next time I hear you mumble some snarky little, passive-aggressive snide, I'm going to look into your heart, pick out your biggest insecurity, and shine the world's largest spotlight on it for the remainder of your natural-born days. Now riddle me this Fido, just exactly why does every Asian person that's passing us by in the hallway here keep giving you the old stink eye?
J.D.: Ohh, you're imagining things.

J.D.: Shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up and shut up! Okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do, is just bitch about your relationships, all day long! (To Dr. Cox) And you know what? Glare all you want big dog, okay? 'Cause I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby!' That must be so hard for Doctor 'look at me!' isn't it? 'Look at me!' (To Carla and Turk) And you two, what you're arguing since you got engaged, wow you must be the first couple that's ever done that ever. It can't be that you're just scared. Is it? (To Elliot) And you, you know what? Let's just- let's just forget for one second that a month ago, you told me that you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are! UGHH!!
Laverne: Did I miss something good?

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Elliot: Oh, Laverne, I am so excited about this doctor that I just met. He's nice... and humble... I just hate it how so many doctors are so self-centered, you know?
Laverne: Mm. I know exactly what you mean, girl. Just yesterday, I was-
Elliot: Oh, and he's so cute, too!

Dr. Cox: You stood up for what you believe in, and I respect that.
Turk: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Twenty bucks says you kill him.
Turk: You're on!