Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Elliot: Mm, it's so nice to have real food again.
Carla: Elliot, they didn't even feed us.
Danni: I love how much you guys care about your patients.
J.D.'s Narration: Wow. Danni is so sweet. What am I worried about?
Danni: You know, Jordan and I are from around here, and our friend Chuck's a stripper? I'm sure he knows tons of guys that would love to have sex with your patient.
J.D.'s Narration: What the hell!? What's it gonna be like when she's at my place!?
Oh, hello, and welcome to McSurgeon's. May I take your order? "Yeah, I was thinking about getting a simple operation with no unexpected complications, please?" Oh, gosh, here I'm sorry, we're fresh out of those. But! If you have a child, maybe you'd like to try one of our Infection Meals! That'll be seven thousand dollars, please pay at the second window.
Dr. Cox
Turk(muffled): You know, I'm really getting sick of this-
Dr. Cox: Oh! I'm sorry! Are you talking? Because I've decided to keep my finger on the button, so I actually can't hear anything that's going on in there. But, for fairness' sake, I've decided to do your end of the conversation. It goes a little something like this: "Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, cool hip-hop lingo, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah."
Elliot: She has a tattoo of a teardrop on her bajingo! Is it sad?
Carla: Her vagina, Elliot. She has a tattoo on her beautiful vagina.
Turk: (walking in on their conversation) This just isn't fair. Not fair at all! Ridiculous!
Elliot: This is stupid!
Carla: Elliot, I'm just trying to help!
Elliot: You know what Carla, I really don't remember asking for your help, okay?
Carla: It does look a little sad. They always do.
(Turk throws a piece of paper that lands by the Janitor's feet)
Janitor: You know, loose debris can get sucked up into the air conditioning vents. And when that happens, I have to spend the entire day crawling around inside the wall, and I don't like that. You know why? 'Cause there's not enough air. I've hallucinated. I spent a day inside that wall thinking I was a mermaid. So here's the thing: You don't throw around loose trash, and I won't have to waste an entire workday granting the wishes of imaginary fisherman.
Dr. Kelso: You are a doctor, and you need to be able to say simple clinical words like penis, or vagina, or anal!
Elliot: Anal is not a dirty word sir.
Dr. Kelso: Tell that to my wife.
Doctor Reid, your patient Mrs. Burke has developed a urinary infection. Apparently it hurts when she makes wizzywinkles through her seabiscuit.
Dr. Kelso
J.D.'s Narration: Mornings in a hospital are filled with possibilities. You could encounter a disease you've never seen before. Make a life-saving diagnosis. Or try out the best new nickname ever.
J.D.: Good morning, Black Whale.
Turk: No.
J.D.: No to "black" or no to "whale"?
Turk: Just no.
J.D.: Elliot come on, I have never heard a woman make sounds like that!
Elliot: Oh, I'm sure you haven't.
Turk: See, it's funny because you've never really satisfied a woman!
J.D.: Well, you might want to double-check with YOUR MOM!
Turk: Dude, I'm dying here.
J.D.: Turk, it's been like eighteen hours since you had sex.
Turk: I'm saying, this is torture!
J.D.: So why don't you just, like, "take care of yo'self"?
Turk: Man, you know I don't do that.
J.D.: You don't?
Turk: Nah, I've only done that like twice in my life.
J.D.: Same here.
J.D.'s Narration: If by "in my life" you mean "since I came home."
Turk: Dude, I'm not scared of you. Life's too good. I'm untouchable.
Janitor: That's what I hoped you'd say.
