(to Carla) I can't believe you left me out there yesterday. I was in the ocean for so long I got jellyfish stings on my ding-a-ling.


Jordan: What are you doing? The van to take us to the airport is downstairs.
Dr. Cox: It's called my job. It's that little thing I do 70 to 80 hours a week while you're eating, drinking, napping, spending, plucking, ignoring the children and singing rap tunes into a hairbrush.

Turk: (talking to his patients) Hello folks, I'm Dr. Christopher Turk. (He looks at Dr. Cox.)
Dr. Cox: You're right so far. Continue.

Elliot: (talking about Turk) How did you know he was hurting. Did you, like, hear it in his voice?
J.D.: With Turk I can always feel it from his soul, like a wave of heat. Are you going to make a joke about how gay that sounds?
Elliot: Definitely. I just don't have the words yet.
J.D.: Well let me know.

(to Dr. Kelso) Did you know that Elliot's granny panties are actually her Granny's panties?


J.D.'s narration: Now it's time to split before he shares something so personal that we're trapped here forever.
J.D.: We should probably get going.
Dr. Kelso: Last thing I expected was to be an old man with no idea what the hell to do with his life.

(to Turk) Look, surgeons always want to slice people open whether it's the best option or not. No disrespect, but you're just not that bright, you have no idea how to do anything else. Unfortunately, sick people are also very, very stupid and almost always agree to anything that a blood-letting corpse carpenter, such as yourself, tells them. I simply stay in the room to make sure they make the right choice.

Dr. Cox

Oh no, it's the first time I've seen the Janitor since he was fired. I have to seem like I care. Think of the saddest thing you can. Turk's dead, Turk's dead, Turk's de- ... oh my god, what if something really happened to him. I'd be lost. Stop thinking like that. Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine.

J.D.'s narration

Katie: Dr. Reid, I thought you gave a great endocrinology lecture today. Even though some of the other interns think you go off on personal tangents too much.
Elliot: Who?
Katie: Oh, I shouldn't say. Denise.

Carla: So, how are you holding up?
Janitor: Cleaning's an art. My mop is my paintbrush.

Elliot: You guys, let's face it. Maddox is untouchable.
J.D.'s narration: Not true. I know how to get rid of any woman.
J.D.: Dr. Maddox. I love you.
Dr. Maddox: Excuse me for just a second.
J.D.: Where are you going? I'm telling you that I love you.
Dr. Maddox: Okay. (An ambulance goes by in front of her and she vanishes)
J.D.'s narration: Too mean, psyche.

J.D.'s narration: And then we saw something amazing. Dr. Cox said something nice to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start.

Scrubs Season 8 Quotes

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start