Katie: Dr. Reid, I thought you gave a great endocrinology lecture today. Even though some of the other interns think you go off on personal tangents too much.
Elliot: Who?
Katie: Oh, I shouldn't say. Denise.

Carla: So, how are you holding up?
Janitor: Cleaning's an art. My mop is my paintbrush.

(to Dr. Maddox) Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til nine.


Hey, Mr. Valentine. I re-did your will on a computer. And to make it less depressing, I used a fun font.


Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.

J.D.: I need you to connect with your patients, okay? If they need some sympathy, dig down in your soul and find some.
Denise: Yo, Mr. Harris! Sucks you'll never walk again.
Mr. Harris: Hell yeah, it does!
Denise: Better, right?
J.D.: No, no, Jo. He...he lost his feet.

J.D.: I didn't play sports, per se, George, I was the mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? Wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume. I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games I wore spurs, which, in retrospect, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't The Cowboys.

When Carla dies heaven is going to suck!

J.D.'s narration

George: So what happened to dinner?
J.D.'s narration: We didn't want George to feel he was a burden, so we had to come up with a great excuse.
Turk: Giant oak tree fell on the restaurant.

(to George) We fight death for a living every single day. We can't let it know we're afraid of it, or it'll kick our ass.


When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must RECOGNIZE!


Denise: Meet me in the on-call room, pants down, lights off.
Chubby Guy: I just wanna say I am so psyched that you called me back.
Denise: No! No talking. And if you touch me too much, God help me, I will head-butt you again.
Chubby Guy: (whispers) I love you.

Scrubs Season 8 Quotes

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start