Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

(doing stand-up) I had a parakeet when I was a kid, that was the only pet that I really enjoyed. We used to let him out of his cage, and he would fly around and my mother had built, one entire wall of our living room was mirrored. She felt this gives you a feeling of space. Have you ever heard this interior design principle that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of a jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy in there looks just like me." But the parakeet will fall for this, you'll let him out of his cage, he flies around the room, BANG! With his little head, he would just go 'click' Ohh! And I'd always think, even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?

Jerry

Jerry: Talk amongst yourselves, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
George: Uh Jerry, how long will you be in there?
Jerry: I don't know, regular human time?
George: Uh why don't you wait then go in the movies?
Jerry: Why shouldn't I go here?
Elaine: Well, you know, I mean, sometimes it's good to get there and make sure you get your seats and then go to the bathroom.
George: And isn't it more fun using the urinal?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: Oh yeah, urinals are fun. Can I go?!

Jerry: You can't tell someone how you feel about their girlfriend until after they stop seeing them.
Kramer: I tell you.
Jerry: You. I'm talking about people.

Jerry: You got together with George?Elaine: I wanted to talk about how we had nothing to talk about.

This is not Seinfeld you're dealing with! When I'm through with you you'll be begging to go to the pound!

Elaine

Jerry: What'd we say that was so bad?Elaine: I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.Jerry: I said I was surprised no one killed her yet.

Gavin: Do you have any pets?Jerry: Just a next-door neighbor.

Great. Two hundred seats on a plane, and I gotta get stuck next to Yukon Jack and his dog, Kujo!

Jerry

Lemon Lift

George

One more day Farfle and you are pound bound!

Jerry

Prognosis Negative!

George

I don't understand lunch. I don't know anything about lunch.

George

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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