Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

You'd better not screw up again, Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pit-bull on a poodle.

Mr. Bookman

I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.

Mr. Bookman

George: So I said, "Mr. Hayman, It's me george Costanza, JFK, ... " He doesn't move. So I said uh, "Can't stand ya'", "Can't stand ya'" He turns and smiles, the little baked bean teeth. I get up to run away, but something was holding me back. It was Heyman. He had my underwear. There I was on the steps of the 42nd St. library ,a grown man, getting a wedgie.
Elaine: At least it wasn't atomic.
George: It was.

Listen, just because I got the guy fired doesn't mean I turned him into a bum - does it?

George

He [Mr. Haymen] purposely mispronounced my name. Instead of saying Costanza, he'd say 'Can't stand ya'.

George

Bookman. The Library cop's name is Bookman. That's like an ice cream man being named cone!

Kramer

Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't he deserve better?

Mr. Bookman

Elaine: Remember that Columbus book?Jerry: Columbus... Euro trash

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everbody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.

Jerry

Elaine: Lippman wants to see me. SEE ME! That can't be good.
Jerry: Maybe you're getting a raise.
Elaine: Maybe I'm getting a wedgie.

George: There I was on the steps of the 42nd St. library, a grown man, getting a wedgie.
Elaine: At least it wasn't atomic.
George: It was.

Kramer: HELLO!
Marion: HELLO!
Mr. Bookman: Hello.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

Seinfeld Photos

  1. Quotes
  2. By Show
  3. Seinfeld Quotes
  4. Favorite
  5. Page 77