Seinfeld Quotes

How'd you know about the guy in the park?

Kramer

George: There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there.
Jerry: What kind?
George: Milano.
Jerry: Cops eating Milanos, what kind of crazy town is this?

I can't ask them for change. They always make a face. It's like I'm asking them to donate a kidney.

George

George: We're friends of a serial killer.
Criminal: Oh, that's nice.
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it.
George: We're pretty sure he didn't do it.

Hello 911. How are ya?

Jerry

George: Kramer? What are you doing here?
Kramer: Getting something to eat.

Alrighty, so that's one tuck and one no tuck.

George

Kramer: Helene, how are you?
Helene: I haven't worked since 1934. How do you think I am?

Helene: It was sad for a Three Stooges picture, what with the dead baby and the Stooges being executed and all.
Kramer: Yeah, well that was an unusual choice for the Stooges.

I said, "Hey, Kramer, you ever kill a man?" And he says, "What do you think, junior? These hands been bathing in Ivory liquid?"

Kid

(giving a lecture) My personal acting technique is working with color. Imagining, then finding the emotional vibrational mood connected to the color. See, if you look through my scripts, you see that all my lines have a special color. So, I don't memorize language, I memorize colors. This way I can go through red, yellow, green, blue, and you have a full palette of emotions.

Kramer

(to Fred Savage) I'm not crazy. I may look weird, but I'm just like you I'm just a regular guy.

Kramer

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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