South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 16 Quotes
As commissioner of the NFL, I am so thrilled to see our nation's youth embrace sarcastaball over traditional football. But oh, why stop there? Since football is *so barabaric*, we should change too! So let's give a big welcome to the new coach of the Denver Broncos, Randy Marsh!
Roger Goodell
Let's do this. Stan, hook up my bra.
Cartman
Yeah, let's do that! We've got an economy in the toilet, a big election coming up, but this country's #1 priority should be making football safer!
Randy
Stan: Dad, do we really have to wear bras?
Randy: Yeah, Stan, this is what people want! Don't worry, you look really cool!
Oh, they'd love it! A sport where safety is all that matters? How about we call it sarcastaball?!
Randy
Randy: Yeah, the players should all wear bras! And instead of helmets, they should wear little tin-foil hats, because you know, it's the future, and we shouldn't be so barbaric!
Principal Victoria: How will the bras and tin-foil hats make it safer?
Randy: Oh, you're all not getting it, see, while we're at it, we'll have a balloon instead of a ball, and whoever catches the ballon will tries to run while all the other players hug!
Butters: Boy, I just don't get football. Guess that's why I suck at it.
Stan: You don't suck at football, Butters. You suck at all sports.
Butters: That's true!
Don't let society dictate who you can and can't be with. Kyle, I love you man! You can run all you want, try and pretend you like girls, but dammit, when we kiss there's magic! Don't let it go, Kyle!
Cartman
Cartman: I'm a racist, huh? I'm a racist? It's how nature works, Kyle. Look, what about Luke Covina and Maria Sanchez? Is it a coincidence they ended up together?
Stan: Actually, I heard they're together because they got locked in the school gym overnight a few nights ago.
Cartman: Oh, did they? I hadn't heard about that.
Cupid Cartman: Teehee, that was us, remember, Eric?
Cartman: Shh, quiet Cupid me!
Kyle: What the hell are you doing telling people we're a gay couple?
Cartman: Oh, heard that through the grapevine, did you?
Nicole: Look! Somebody left a deli platter. And board games. And massage oil.
Token: Oh. Good.
Cartman: Guys! Guys! Get outside! It's the Batmobile! Batmobile you guys!
Jimmy: I don't see a Batmobile.
