The average human acts a certain way when surrounded by friends and family. But in a tour group, the brain has to work overtime, acting nice and pretending to care about people on the tour.

Narrator

Cold sore is what girls call it, Kenny. It's actually herpes.

Cartman

For four elementary school boys, an ordinary day becomes a descent into madness on "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining."

Narrator

We all know that bullying is an epidemic. Like AIDS, bullying is escalating and is spread mostly by penises.

Dr. Oz

Oh, well don't fart on grandma, she's trying to enjoy her ham.

Stephen Stotch

Our Linda certainly does know her way around a pork.

Stephen Stotch

Kyle: Just be careful you don't end up naked and jackin' it in San Diego.
Stan: What the hell does that mean?

You're gonna stop bullying. With Cartman singing about his vagina.

Kyle

You may only have an internet degree, but why don't you start acting like a real school counselor, and not a backwoods little dork, mmkay?

Bucky Bailey

Cartman: I have balls.
Red: Yeah, little swishy boba tea balls.
Cartman: Still balls.

Stan: Dude, did a bully take your lunch money again week?
Butters: Yeah.
Stan: That's the third day in a row, you gotta tell a teacher.
Butters: Nah, I'm not a tattle-tale.
Stan: Then write the principal an anonymous letter.
Butters: Nah, I'm not an Anonymous Andy.
Clyde: So just get a bigger bully to beat the bully up.
Butters: Nah, I don't want kids calling me kids calling me a cliche conflict resolution Kevin.

No no no, I'm telling you guys, music videos have devolved to nothing but pretty girls, wearing skintight clothes, singing about their vajayjay. Used to be chicks talking about relationships, now it's all my vajayjay this, my vajayjay that. But clearly that's what sells.

Cartman

South Park Season 16 Quotes

Toilet time is the last bastion of American freedom.

Cartman

I warn you boys. A sue-ance can be very expensive.

Lawyer