South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 5 Quotes
(Butters touches the cow crap) Ew, it's all sticky.
Butters
Stan: Hey Chef.
Chef: How's it going?
Stan: Bad.
Chef: Yeah. Things have been better.
Stan: Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my fr-f-f-friend.
Chef: Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us.
Stan: But then, why does God give us anything to start with?
Chef: Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop.
Stan: I think I understand.
Cartman: Look, I put the stem cells from all the fetuses I had next to a Shakey's and they ARE replicating a new Shakey's! It worked!
Stan: This whole time you were just using Kenny's illness to lift the ban on stem cell research so you could sell your stupid fetuses?
Cartman: Stupid fetuses!? It's my own Shakey's!
Kyle: I actually hugged you. I held you in my arms and, and, cried with you.
Cartman: I think I only need a hundred or so more aborted babies and I can finish up the kitchen.
Kyle: AAAHHH! (Kyle attacks Cartman)
Stan: Hey, I wasn't Kenny's worst f-f-f-friend, Cartman was!
Liane: Sweetie, your friends are downstairs. They need to see you.
Cartman: Not now Mom, I've only unloaded three feti. I've gotta sell the rest before they spoil.
Cartman (on phone): Okay Gary. How about $90 a fetus?
Gary: How about $50 a fetus?
Cartman (on phone): Come on Gary. You are breaking my balls Gary! You are breaking my balls. How about $70? Okay, I'll call you back.
Cartman: Butters take over for now. Remember what I taught you.
Butters: Come on Jerry you are breakingmy balls. That's right. You heard me. You're breakingmyballs.
Stan: Hey, Kenny!
(As Stan walks into the room, Kenny's bed is empty. Kyle walks up to him)
Kyle: He just... He just... stopped breathing. And it was over.
Stan: But... Did he say anything before he went?
Kyle: He just said... "Where's Stan?"
Principal: Hello, boys.
Stan: Wait, what's going on here?
Kyle: Alright look, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortions.That's all we know.
Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys; We just need to talk to you. Have a seat.
(Stan and Kyle sit down)
Mr. Mackey: Well boys, your little friend, Kenny, went to the hospital last night, m'kay? And well...he's pretty sick.
Kyle: Kenny's sick?
Stan: Well, how sick?
Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Stan: But the doctor's are gonna make him better, right?
Sharon: Oh, dear.
Stan But mom, that's what hospitals are for, they can make him better.
Sharon: Oh, Randy.
Randy: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means--well son...that means he's gonna be going to Heaven soon.
Kyle: Wait, Kenny's going to die?
Gerald: He might, Kyle.
Stan: But he's our f-f-friend.
Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now, more then ever.
Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!
(Stan begins sobbing into his dad's shoulder)
Kyle: (Talking about Kenny) They say, he might die.
Cartman: Kenny die?
(On the phone) You're breaking my balls. I said, you're breaking my balls, Mr. Thompson. My, my balls.
Butters
Cartman: Doctor, can you tell me exactly how stem cells work?
Doctor: Well you have trillions of cells in your body, heart cells, skin cells, brain cells and so on. But before a cell is designated as a toenail cell, or a pancreas cell, it's what we call a stem cell. Sort of like a blank cell, do you understand?
Cartman: Not at all, but go on.
Remember - it doesn't matter who wins. It matters who wins three times in a row.
Rich Kid
