South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 5 Quotes
We lions love jokes. Before you join our cult, you must pull my thorn. Come on, pull my thorn.
King Lion
(Token pulls it and the lion farts]
Cartman: I'll make you eat your parents.
Ms. Choksondik: What did you say?
Cartman: Nothing
(singing) Why can't I be like all the other kids, they all have three bedroom homes, and broken trucks on their lawns, and cut up hotdogs for lunch. It's not my fault my parents succeed so much. There's no one in town I can relate to, I play with autographed baseball bats while everyone else just plays with sticks and pinecones. Has a boy ever felt so alone. Well who needs them anyway, I won't pretend I'm something I'm not. If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what i've got. If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around, so I'm not the only one and then I won't be so down. Please God... send more rich kids... to my town.
Token
(to Mrs. Jane Smith) Yeah, that's right cash tucker! Have fun with your two-million dollar house!
Mr. Garrison
How many rich people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! They can hire someone to screw it in for them!
Jimbo
Stan: Just because we rip on you for being rich doesn't mean we don't like you.
Kyle: Yeah we're guys dude; we find something about all our friends to rip on. We make fun of you for being rich like we rip on Butters for acting wimpy.
Butters: They sure do.
Stan: Yeah and like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.
Kyle: And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
Stan: Yeah I get it for that.
Kyle: And Cartman for being fat.
Cartman: Uh huh.
Kyle: And Cartman for being stupid.
Cartman: Yeah.
Kyle: And Cartman for having a whore for a mom.
Cartman: Hey.
Kyle: And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Cartman: Ay!! You did me already.
Token: You're right guys, for now on I'm find for being made fun of for being rich.
Stan: Oh we're not going to rip on you for being rich anymore.
Token: You're not?
Kyle: No dude, since you got your feelings so hurt for being ripped on, now we think you're a pussy.
Stan: Yeah now you're a pussy, pussaholic.
Kyle: Come on nurse Token we're going to play football ya puss.
Cartman: Pussy!
Butters: Yeah what a pussy.
Craig: Yeah that guy's a pussy.
Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionares.
Guys: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Jimbo: But then you had us all do all that for nothing, don't you see if you get rich selling these homes then there'd still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'll become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison:........Yeah but at least I got rid of all those damn ni[South Park ending theme]
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: You, you paid your friends to not make fun of me?
Kyle: Look, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Wow, uh, you think it takes $40 to get people to like me.
Kyle: Kyle, I-I'm sorry
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Becuase I mean I really think you could have done it for about 12.50.
Kyle: What?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well, I mean, you didn't just start at 40, did you? You you gotta low-ball these things so you have a place to go.
Kyle: [amazed] Oh, dude.
Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!
Clerk: We'll get you on the 7 A.M. flight tomorrow morning.
Mr. Garrison: I can't go tomorrow, the Jizzfest is tonight!
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: I gotta get back to Connecticut.
Sheila: Now that things have changed for Kyle, his mother needs him back.
Kyle: Do you promise! I mean oh That's too bad dude What changed for you?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well I invested in that IT thing and there was a bailout so I received a 5 million dollar bailout cross-cheque which I can use to help my family so I guess good-bye, cousin.
Kyle: See ya cousin, hope to see you soon. (whispers)Not too soon I hope.
(The boys all snicker)
(After a few seconds)The Boys (in unison): 5 MILLION DOLLARS?!
Listen guys, I appreciate you wanting me around but the fact of the matter is You guys are just kinda douche-bags.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle (<i>to Kyle, Cartman, and Stan</i>)
