My mother's dead. My father's an ex-convict. I drink cognac and I don't vote. Wanna get out of here?


Eleanor: How would you like to skip 40 years of fumbling around in the dark and really learn how to please a lady?
Nick:I would know what I'm doing.
Eleanor: I can tell you without a doubt you do not know what you're doing.
Nick: Are you talking about a verbal lesson?
Eleanor: No, one learns by doing, Nick.

Ricky: You have two faces and I don't like either face!
Raquel: All right. You don't seem to be alone in that.
Ricky: Oh, boo hoo. I don't cry for the puppet master. I cry for the puppet.

Abby: I'm fired, aren't I?
Donald: You are now.

Ricky: What are you doing in here? Oh, did you want to come in?
Raquel: No, that's gross.

God, girls are so sensitive.


Stop thinking honey, it's never been your strong suit.


If he wanted to get well, he wouldn't do it on television.


Sabrina: I have herpes.
Scott: Uh...which kind?
Sabrina: Both. All kinds!

I hear you. And I see you.


Beth: I don't like that gag.
Director: For once, I agree with you. Can we get some duct tape?

Connor: Why do I have to babysit?
Jennifer: Because I have a meeting with David Fincher and you don't.

The L.A. Complex Quotes

Abby: Filipinos 4:13.
Donald: It's Philippians. Not Filipinos.

Raquel: I hate nature.
Connor: You can't call this nature. There's a Coffee Bean like a hundred meters away.