The Last Man on Earth
Sundays 9:30 PMThe Last Man on Earth Quotes
You think it's going overboard? 'Cuz I think it's staying on the ship. One week of solitary confinement? For what I did? Well I say how about two? Or three? Or four? Do I hear five? Yeah, you do, from the man in the stockade. Sold! Five it is.
Phil
Gonna need a change of pants. Maybe some underwear, too. And some shoes. For sure.
Phil
And then, Tandy slipped. He rocketed out into the abyss. This is where the death stuff really kicks in, so viewer discretion is advised.
Carol
Phil: You told them I was dead?!
Carol: Well, as I recall, you told Gail and Erica I was dead, so now we're even!
Phil: Carol, this isn't a "saying people are dead" competition!
Nobody knew Gordon the way I knew him. He was a friend, a companion, trusted advisor and a valued lover. Sure, he could be a real son of a bitch. He was so cranky in the mornings, and he cussed like a sailor. And he was a bad drunk. He was a mean drunk. Racially insensitive. Male chauvinist pig. Um, and there was the body odor, which was challenging for me, but now I look back and, you know, when somebody dies all that stuff just melts away and you're just left with the good memories. So, to Gordon. Easy come, easy go. [weeps]
Gail
I did not know Gordon well. May he have a smooth journey to heaven... or hell. Again, I did not know him. By now, we are all so used to death as we have seen everyone in the world around us die. Every single person, dead. Just oodles and caboodles of death. Just heaps and piles... But Gordon will be missed.
Carol
Carol: Phil. You got me drunk, then while I was passed out, you drove me to Malibu non-consensually?
Phil: Sorry, Carol, but when you're making a sacrifice for someone, you don't ask them if it's OK, you just go ahead and do it. Because that's what people do for those about whom they care. Direct words from you.
Carol: You little skunk. You just lifted up your skunk tail and you sprayed me with the sweet scent of selflessness.
Carol: We're staying in Tucson.
Phil: Carol, I can't ask you to make that sacrifice for me.
Carol: You didn't ask me, I'm just doing it 'cuz that's what people do for those about whom they care!
[to the doll version of the Tucson crew] Hi, everyone. It's been a long time. Hi, Melissa. I like your top. Maybe I could bedazzle it for you.
Carol
Carol: Hey, hold on, I'm gonna go slip into something a little more comfortable.
Phil: Prosecco?
Carol: No, probably a robe.
Phil: I just wanna be a better man for you, Carol.
Carol: And I wanna be a better man for you.
Phil: Hey... you already were a better man. And you're the man I wanna kiss for the rest of my life.
Phil: You get my train?
Carol: Sure did, you little love conductor.
Phil: Where were you?
Carol: Right where you left me, at the Emco station.
Phil: You mean the Speedy Pump.
Carol: No, I was there for a week, it was definitely an Emco.
Phil: It wasn't, but you know, it doesn't matter!
