The Last Man on Earth
Sundays 9:30 PMThe Last Man on Earth Quotes
Scoops, Todd, really? She's not four years old! C'mon, think!
Phil
Phil: Look at this guy. Friggin' dip. How does it feel to be yesterday's news, huh? And I'm the hot topic. "This just in: Phil's worse than Tandy. Now over to the weather. Grey skies for that dong. Clear skies in Tandyville. Back to you, Bob. Thanks, Tabitha. In local news, no one cares what's in your friggin' house, ya jagweed." What's that in your house, ya friggin' jagweed?
Gail [about Phil 2]: What a turd. I think he's almost worse than Tandy.
Phil: Seriously, Gail? Almost worse than me? Thank you.
Phil: That friggin' dong.
Carol: Well, that's the dong that's going to get you back into this community. You should be kissing that dong.
Phil: Why should I be kissing that dong?! I should be friggin' punching that dong.
What's he gonna do, punch it?
Melissa
Erica: My sister had kids and it turned her nether regions into a real war zone. Her boobs were like coin purses.
Carol: Well, who doesn't love a good coin purse? Put it in your hand and feel all those coins, just feel richer and richer the more you squeeze?
Todd: Careful.
Phil: Careful is my middle name, bro. Just kidding, it's Tandy.
Phil: We'll get a little power in this tower. A little wattage in this cottage.
Todd: A little sizzle in the hizzle.
Carol: It's so nice to see the two of you fisting each other again.
Phil: Oh. Yeah, yeah...
Carol: You keep this up, pretty soon you'll be fisting the entire community.
Phil: Hope to.
Phil: Phil's not the only one around here with skills to pay the bills.
Carol: You're gonna pay the bills with your skill-set?
Phil: I'm gonna try!
I thought he was gonna take his pants off...
Gail
So I pulled a gun on him. You guys know I do that from time to time.
Phil
