Dwight: What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman?
Trevor: Ooh, didn't see that one coming.

You say jump, and he says on who?

Dwight

I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. Ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.

Clark

Really Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughter house and a rendering plant? Uhhh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses.

Dwight

Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously guys, enough, enough.

Brian

You never stop surprising me.

Toby (to Nellie)

Joke's on you buddy. They make you come back and clean it up.

Dwight

I'll watch it. Let's get this over with.

Oscar

Not everybody has what we have.

Toby (to Nellie)

Yes we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun!

Dwight

It can't be more fun the selling paper and paper products.

Dwight

Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete, because that's the guy Erin's flirting with?

Kevin

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael