Bart: I call first bedsies!
Lisa: Bart, there's no such thing as first bedsies. You just made that up.
Bart: Well, okay. Which one do you want?
Lisa: I ... want ... that one.
Bart: Really? You want that one? Well, it's all yours, whatever you say.
Lisa: Why, what's wrong with it?
Bart: Nothing! Have a good night's sleep, Lisa.
Lisa: No, really, what?!
Bart: Nothing!
Lisa: What did you do to it?
Bart: Nothing!

Lady: Are you a professional writer?
Homer: mm, mm... (in a 'no' kinda way)
Lady: Are you interested in politics and government?
Homer: mmmm...(in a 'i dunno' kinda way)
Lady: Are you interested in anything?
Homer: mmmm.. (same as above)
Lady: Could you touch your nose for me?
(Homer twists and bends but doesn't touch his nose)

Homer: Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread, the pitiless bark of the sea lion! (gasp) He'll be killed!
Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article...
Homer: Don't be so.....(turns the page). Oh you're right.

They take hundreds of magazines, filter out the crap, and leave you with something that fits right in your front pocket! (Homer struggles to fit it in his pocket)


(The Simpson family tours The White House.)
Bart: (Reading plaque) On this spot, Richard Nixon bowled back-to-back 300 games.
Homer: Yeah, right.

Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is, "How To Increase Your Word Power." That thing is really, really...really...good.

</i> Homer

Marge: Look, Homer, it's the IRS.
Homer: Boo!
IRS Agent: Oh boo, yourself!

Who would have guessed reading and writing would pay off?!


Faith Crowley: These are special VIP badges. They'll get you into places other tourists never see.
Homer: Miss, what does the "I" stand for?
Faith Crowley: Important.
Homer: Ooh. How about the "V"?
Faith Crowley: Very.
Homer: Oh. And Miss, just one more question.
Faith Crowley: Person.
Homer: Ah... What does the "I" stand for again?

The Simpsons Season 3 Episode 2 Quotes

Singer: The trading gap shuffle, we're in a heap of trouble, doing the trading gap shuffle!
Bart: He already sang this song!
Marge: No, that was about the budget gap. This is the trading gap.

The deficit rag, oh yes the deficit rag! Those budget gaps can be a 12-digit drag! I'm telling you, that's the deficit, they really made a mess of it, that's the deficit ra-a-ag!