Guidance Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Young Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!

• Permalink: Do you have any plans for after graduation? Me? I'm gonna drin...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Oh, son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, the less attractive girl. I blame myself. I should have had this talk a long time ago.

Grampa

• Permalink: Oh, son, don't overreach. Go for the dented car, the dead-end jo...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.
Young Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.

• Permalink: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound. It's my...
• Added: February 15, 2010

(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)
Dr. Hibbert: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, uh, I think we've found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. (Reaches to shake Homer's hand.) Congratulations.
Homer: D'oh!

• Permalink: <i>(Homer and Marge find out that they are pregnant)</i> Well,...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands, not so much for myself, but I am so respected, It would damage the town to hear it.

Artie

• Permalink: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Hello classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero, or a pretty boy, you have elected me, your intellectual superior as your king. Good for you!

Artie Ziff

• Permalink: Hello classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero, or a...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Teacher: Simpson! Be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before...
Teacher: Okay Simpson! You just brought yourself another day of detention!
Homer: Maybe we should get together some time
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name!
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Homer: Jay
Teacher: Four days!
Homer: Simpson
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days... Okay Simpson, to the back of the room!

• Permalink: Simpson! Be quiet! I haven't seen you in school before... Ok...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I'm never going to England! Come on. Let's go smoke.

• Permalink: Hey Homer! You're late for English! Pff! English, who needs th...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!
Homer: Hey yeah yeah! I think I can!
Marge: I think this is sick they're staring at a dot!
Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.

• Permalink: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him ou...
• Added: February 15, 2010

(Picture on television goes haywire)
Bart: Hey, what gives?
Lisa: Dad! Do something!
Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Doctor TV to perform a little surgery! (Bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse.)
Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.

• Permalink: <i>(Picture on television goes haywire)</i> Hey, what gives? ...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Me in a nuclear power plant? (Laughs) Kaboom!

Homer

• Permalink: (<i>Teenage Homer imagines working at the nuclear power plant.</...
• Added: February 15, 2010

Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?
Kim: Good God! No!
Barney: Well put.

• Permalink: Wanna go to the prom with me? Good God! No! Well put.
• Added: February 15, 2010