Tony: Why did I buy a fucking off-road vehicle?
A.J.: To waste petrochemical resources.

Dr. Melfi: What am I supposed to do?
Tony: Leave town today, right now. As a matter of fact I'm going to get some guys here to stay with you until you get on a plane.
Dr. Melfi: I can't just do that, lam it! I have a life. I have patients.
Tony: Well you tell them August came early this year.
Dr. Melfi: It doesn't work that way. I have patients who are suicidal.
Tony: Well they're not going to feel any better about their life if you get clipped.

(to Father Phil) I think you have this MO where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women and I think a lot of it is tied up with food some how, as well as the sexual tension game.


Paulie: The Skip seeing a psychiatrist, how does that sit with your ass?
Silvio: I usually do sit with my ass. Why don't you sit with yours?

(to Dr. Melfi) We've got bigger things to talk about than Jeannie Cusamano's ass.


You know what I think Father, I think that you like the-I don't know what to call it-the whiff of sexuality that never goes anyplace.


News Reporter: Not seized today, although named in the indictments, was alleged Soprano enforcer and loan-sharking chief, Michael "grab bag" Palmice. Authorities believe Palmice may have fled the New Jersey area acting on prior knowledge.
Tony: (Sarcasticly) Lucky him.

Jimmy: Do I have enough cologne on?
Christopher: You smell like Paco Rabane crawled up your ass and died.

(on Tony) I don't just hate this man, I hate all men.


(to Dr. Melfi) Don't be stupid, even in the short term.


Dr. Melfi: It's been a long odyssey with your mother.
Tony: Yeah, these last 500 years just seem to race by.

What kind of person can I be where his own mother wants him dead?


The Sopranos Season 1 Quotes

(to Junior) Remember the story you told me about the father bull talking to the son. They're up on this hill and looking down on a bunch of cows. And the son goes to the father, "Dad, why don't we run down there and fuck one of these cows?" Now do you remember what the father said? Father says, "Son, why don't we walk down there and fuck them all?"


Tony: It's more like a hotel by Captain Teebs.
Livia: Who's he?
Tony: A captain who owns luxury hotels or something. I don't know.