Tony: Why did I buy a fucking off-road vehicle?
A.J.: To waste petrochemical resources.

Dr. Melfi: What am I supposed to do?
Tony: Leave town today, right now. As a matter of fact I'm going to get some guys here to stay with you until you get on a plane.
Dr. Melfi: I can't just do that, lam it! I have a life. I have patients.
Tony: Well you tell them August came early this year.
Dr. Melfi: It doesn't work that way. I have patients who are suicidal.
Tony: Well they're not going to feel any better about their life if you get clipped.

(to Father Phil) I think you have this MO where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women and I think a lot of it is tied up with food some how, as well as the sexual tension game.


Paulie: The Skip seeing a psychiatrist, how does that sit with your ass?
Silvio: I usually do sit with my ass. Why don't you sit with yours?

(to Dr. Melfi) We've got bigger things to talk about than Jeannie Cusamano's ass.


You know what I think Father, I think that you like the-I don't know what to call it-the whiff of sexuality that never goes anyplace.


News Reporter: Not seized today, although named in the indictments, was alleged Soprano enforcer and loan-sharking chief, Michael "grab bag" Palmice. Authorities believe Palmice may have fled the New Jersey area acting on prior knowledge.
Tony: (Sarcasticly) Lucky him.

Jimmy: Do I have enough cologne on?
Christopher: You smell like Paco Rabane crawled up your ass and died.

(on Tony) I don't just hate this man, I hate all men.


(to Dr. Melfi) Don't be stupid, even in the short term.


Dr. Melfi: It's been a long odyssey with your mother.
Tony: Yeah, these last 500 years just seem to race by.

What kind of person can I be where his own mother wants him dead?


The Sopranos Season 1 Quotes

(to Mahaffey) That's a shame. A medication comes along after your gambling gets your fucking hip busted to shit.

Big Pussy

Dr. Melfi: Have you ever had a prostate exam?
Tony: Are you kidding? I don't let anyone wag their finger in my face.