Beth: Do we need to have weapons everyplace like we're Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Randall: You might not want to put it that way because that sounds pretty cool.
Beth: We are allowed to go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Randall: You mind staying tonight?
Beth: Randall, I stay over almost every night. My roommates are starting to call me Mrs. Pearson.

Kate: Marc! Why are you so mad?
Rebecca: That doesn't sound good.
Randall: No, but I've been watching Dawson Creek and they all talk like that.

Randall: You up?
Kevin: Why are your texts so formal?

Mom! Get out of the lightning! Please, Mom! I don't think you can hear me.

Randall

Jack: Why don't you take some cough medicine and call it a night?
Rebecca: I'm sorry. You really think these three are going to stay asleep?

Rebecca. If he is really your choice, this dark, complicated man, make sure he gives you a love story. One for the ages.

Janet

Babies change so fast and I knew every morning might be the last time you let me rock you like that. So I made sure to remember every little detail of those mornings.

Rebecca

Miguel: For the record, I am perfectly capable of taking my wife to the doctor. We're getting older, and we don't remember things all the time.
Randall: Miguel, I would love to have come out here for nothing, but I know my mother. What I don't understand is why don't you see it?

Rebecca: Ugh, my mom is driving me crazy about this birthday party. She says everything needs to be perfect or the neighbors will talk. [pause] Jack, what's wrong?
Jack: I think we should take a break. We're too different. You dine in country clubs and I can't even afford the pepperoni on the pizza.

Miguel: We? You're coming out to LA?
Randall: This family flies cross-country at the drop of a hat, and this is actually important, so of course I'm going to be there.

When you tell me something, I believe you, cause that's how we roll.

Kate