What are these, like, mid-thirty year old women doing with a fucking douchebag 24-year-old DJ?

Scheana

• Permalink: What are these, like, mid-thirty year old women doing with a fucking douchebag 24-year-old DJ?
• Added: December 05, 2016

I'm playing at your local Applebee's, come and check me out.

Jax

• Permalink: I'm playing at your local Applebee's, come and check me out.
• Added: December 05, 2016

Wedding planner: Have you thought about how you're going to pair everyone?
Tom Schwartz: Make Jax walk with all of the girls he has slept with at once?
Katie: That would be half of my bridal party.
Tom Schwartz: Jax will probably try to sleep with you, just to give you a heads up.

• Permalink: Jax will probably try to sleep with you, just to give you a heads up.
• Added: December 05, 2016

How did we meet? I think we just got drunk and had sex.

Tom Schwartz

• Permalink: How did we meet? I think we just got drunk and had sex.
• Added: December 05, 2016

I'm worried Katie is going to want a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a Tom and Katie budget.

Tom Schwartz

• Permalink: I'm worried Katie is going to want a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a Tom and Katie budget.
• Added: December 05, 2016

You're not Calvin Harris.

Lisa

• Permalink: You're not Calvin Harris.
• Added: November 28, 2016

Anybody can push play on a laptop, you idiot! It's not even connected to anything.

Jax

• Permalink: Anybody can push play on a laptop, you idiot! It's not connected to anything.
• Added: November 28, 2016

Maybe one of the reasons that Jax doesn't like James is because he feels like he's looking at himself 10 years ago and he doesn't like what he sees.

Tom Sandoval

• Permalink: Maybe one of the reasons that Jax doesn't like James is because he feels like he's looking at...
• Added: November 28, 2016

I don't feel like I've ever really been able to articulate clearly or express to her how much I die inside when she goes to the dark side. It kills the Schwartz.

Tom Schwartz

• Permalink: I don't feel like I've ever really been able to articulate clearly or express to her how much...
• Added: November 28, 2016

I got a marble trash can, and now it's too heavy for me to empty the trash.

Stassi

• Permalink: I got a marble trash can, and now it's too heavy for me to empty the trash.
• Added: November 28, 2016

I played a little Beyonce and I wound up with a girlfriend.

James

• Permalink: I played a little Beyonce and I wound up with a girlfriend.
• Added: November 28, 2016

Misery loves company, but it's really hard to find company when all your friends are so fucking happy.

Stassi

• Permalink: Misery loves company, but it's really hard to find company when all your friends are so...
• Added: November 21, 2016