Andy Botwin: How can you be so blindly pro-Bush?
Doug Wilson: I like his wife Laura... I used to buy weed from her at SMU.

You listen, you stay away from my customer base. Don't deal to kids.

Nancy Botwin

Tennis Pro: That's why I'll never marry.
Celia Hodes: No, you just f**k the married, and then I have to watch it on video.

[holds up a flyer] Here. I'm posting these in the neighborhood. I tell you, I have a good mind to stay in a hotel until they catch that cougar. Though a part of me is hoping it will maul Dean, and I wouldn't want to miss that.

Celia Hodes

Did you try the Sag Aloo? It's to die for and then be reincarnated and then die for again.

Doug Wilson

Hey, what do you think is better "Jesus say relax" or "I'm to sexy for my Lord?"

Andy Botwin

Nancy Botwin: Andy, today it was brought to my attention that the downside to this business is death, so right now I'm not thinking about "the bakery" I'm thinking about enrolling in dental hygiene school so my children aren't orphans.
Andy Botwin: If anything happens to you, I will raise Silas and Shane as my own.
Nancy Botwin: Okay, now I pledge never to die.

I'm not a dealer, I'm a mother who happens to distribute illegal products through a sham bakery set up by my ethically questionable CPA and his crooked lawyer friend.

Nancy Botwin

I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.

Nancy Botwin

You've made your bed, now f**k in it.

Nancy Botwin

Weeds Quotes

I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.

Nancy Botwin

You've made your bed, now f**k in it.

Nancy Botwin