Weeds Quotes
Celia: I'm sick of men. Maybe I missed my calling. I mean, what if I was supposed to be a dyke, but just made a wrong turn by mistake. It would explain a hell of a lot. Here's the thing, I really wanna f**k around on Dean, but the thought of having to put one more c**k in my mouth is just too depressing.
Nancy: I'm not sure a vagina would be any kind of improvement for you.
Celia: Maybe you're right. The truth is, p***y really skeeves me out. That whole mirror investigation thing we did when we were young, truly a rude awakening.
You know, I read somewhere that killing small animals is the first sign of psychotic behavior. You should really tell the parents, they can rush that little sociopath into therapy before he starts tooling around Agrestic in a white van with blacked out windows.
Celia
I haven't a s**t in three days. I'm like an African famine baby.
Celia
Know this, Lupita, until you love me, I've got enough love for the both of us.
Andy
If there's one thing I learned about the Christ crowd, absolutely no sense of humor. Should've gone after the Jew market, at least we can take a joke.
Andy
Andy: Hey, pants.
Nancy: Please tell me I didn't hear that you had cyber sex with a 15-year-old deaf girl.
Maggie: Look who's here everyone! It's Celia.
Celia: Down, Maggie. I have cancer. I'm not retarded.
Shane: I got sent to the school shrink. They'll probably be calling you.
Nancy: Oh, not again, why this time.
Shane: I wrote a gangsta rap about killing Devon Rensler ... with my gatt.
Celia: I was thinking of going bigger.
Nancy: Bigger?
Celia: Really big. Like freak show big. 47 triple Fs. So large that other smaller breasts will want to orbit them.
Nancy: I don't give a flying f**k if you do have cancer. Put your tits away in front of my kid.
Celia: Sorry. I took a lude.
[watching a video of her daughter] I should've had an abortion.
Celia Hodes
Nance, trust me, a bakery is virtually impossible to run without drug money.
Doug Wilson
