To happiness, or as I like to call it, sadness in its early stages.


Zara: You are strong. You are fearless. You are Batman.
Eric: I am Batman.

It is not a contest. It's a matter of the heart. It's about finding true love. And I will win.


Caryn: I don't even know why I dated this guy. It's not that this guy had a bad personality. He actually had no personality.
Stosh: I once dated a girl with multiple personalities and they were all terrible. But luckily they all had an amazing body.

Stosh: It's a trap. Because if you have more nice moments, eventually they'll figure out what a worthless piece of crap you are and then what do you got, right?
Zara: Emotional commitment to other human beings ugghhh. My number one pet peeve. Well, that and capris pants.
Stosh: Really? I think they're a breezy summer look.

We got Trouble... the game that is. Oh, you know what, the pop-o-matic bubble is gone. I used it during a lung transplant when I was playing Operation. He didn't make it.


Go give him the $50. Actually, you know what, make it $100, I only have one kid, right? Actually, that might not be right...


Stosh: Is it more exciting than regular chess?
Eric: As a matter of fact, yes. It's regular chess with human-size thrills.

Eric: A rook can travel the entire length of the board in one move. I bet it feels like you're soaring on the clouds of heaven.
Caryn: Or walking ten feet in a bad Halloween costume.
Eric: That's not funny because this is my life. It's not a game.

Stosh: I want to rep you!
Zara: I have a whistle.
Stosh: No, I want to rep you, to represent you as an artist.
Zara: It did seem strange that you would give me a heads up.

Stosh: I brought this waitress home from Doogans last night. She stumbled out of here pretty early. I figured I'd be a gentleman and pretend to be asleep until she left.
Zara: Oh, that's who that was? I thought you were being robbed by the ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt.

He stole therapy from me... and a teeth cleaning.


Weird Loners Quotes

I got the same sex drive as everyone else. I just don't have the drive to do all that other horse...


Caryn: You were always terrified of intimacy, weren't you? I could see it in your eyes the very first day we met.
Marty: Which was Wednesday.