Favorite Wilfred Quotes
Having fun, Ryan? Just another lazy Sunday watching porn with your lazy, rock hard neighbor.
Jesus. This baby's gonna be God Damn adorable.
Ryan: Eat shit! Eat shit!
Wilfred: Again, your tone says insult, but what I'm hearing is a tempting offer.
Ryan: I don't even wanna go to this wedding. Now I'm the co-ring bearer?
Wilfred: Yeahhhh, we need to talk about your title.
Look you and I both know the paper swan can't actually talk to Bear, but if it helps Bear that's all that matters.
Here comes the part where he carries her into the house like a Viking on a rape quest. He's gonna wreck that, mate.
Remember when I mauled that Black teenager's face the other day? You think I did that because he had ice cream on his face? No. I did it because I hoped it would help him go on to be the next Seal.
Ryan: Are you telling me you've never smelled another dog on Jenna's hands?
Wilfred: Well yeah but that's just from her pushing other dogs away.
Wilfred: You like to scream hateful shit at cuckoo birds too?
Stinky: Of course. They burst out of their homes and run off their mouths!
Wilfred: And then when shit's about to get real, they run back inside like the little pussies they are.
But Jenna's put a lot of work into this. She even took me to the groomer. Thanks for noticing by the way.
Ryan: So, who won the rape fight?
Wilfred: Just drive, please.
When one walks with the Lord, Ryan, one's tail is always wagging.
