Favorite Wilfred Quotes
Bruce: You convinced me to make out with my own father.
Wilfred: Everybody at the party loved it. They thought it was edgy.
I don't know what you're up to Ryan, but I've got my nose and ears on you...and my eyes too, I guess, but frankly my vision's pretty shitty.
Wilfred: Ignorance is 9/10 of the law.
Ryan: That's possession.
Wilfred: She wasn't charged with possession Ryan. I thought you were a good lawyer.
Being happy is just like being gay. It's a choice, that's why they mean the same thing.
Ryan I've always had your best interest at heart, and I've never asked for anything in return...except for a bunch of stuff.
So this is more important than waiting for Jenna's cable guy? As we speak, Jenna is sitting at home with no Game Show Network, no MTV2, no Univision. I'm furious Ryan.
Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!
After I'm gone I don't want you and Bear fighting over my shit...or any of my other stuff.
She'll be fine. She'll probably have a team of highly trained security specialists surround her at all times. This is the Noon News we're talking about.
I have a government job. All I do is watch porn!
Jesse
Everyone knows store lighting can't be trusted, especially when you have a non-traditional figure.
Why do you think no dogs died in the Holocaust? Because we knew it was coming.
