Isabelle: Thanks again for getting us in.
Meliorn: It’s my pleasure. Always happy to be of service to you and your ... boyfriend?
Simon: We’re just friends.
Isabelle: Good friends.
Meliorn: In that case, we should hang out again sometime. Bring your friend if you like.
[Stunned silence between Izzy and Simon]
Simon: It’s pretty impressive how popular you are with your exes.
Isabelle: Less impressive how quickly they become my exes.
Simon: You just haven’t met the right guy yet.

Rafael: I was never able to find him myself, but there’s a legend of a vampire who lives in hiding in the sewers of New York. They say he’s the oldest vampire in the city. Maybe even in the world? No one I’ve met has been able to see his face. If there’s someone who knows of these kinds of things, it would be him.
Simon: How do you know if this guy actually exists?
Rafael: Aren’t all the legends true?

Simon: I am so sorry.
Becky: I’ve read enough YA to know what happens. So, how long is it until I turn?
Simon: You won’t, I promise. You have to have died with my blood in your system then get buried and then ... feed as soon as you crawl out of your own grave.
Becky: Oh, Simon. You went through all of that on your own? You died? [She cries]
Simon: Medically speaking, yeah.
Becky: Well, I guess all your sketchy behavior makes sense now.

Simon: Heidi?! I thought you were dead.
Heidi: Yeah, not anymore. Thanks to you, Sire.
[She lips her vampire fangs]
Simon: How is that even possible?
Heidi: We both got a little carried away that night. That douche Quinn might’ve killed me, but I died with your blood on my lips.
[He steps away and walks back]
Simon: How did you come back?
Heidi: Raphael dug me up, but you’re the one that gave me life. And now we’re bonded...forever.

Jace: Are you seriously going to live in your van?\
Simon: I don’t know! At least my van’s not going to spy on me while I sleep.
[Simon tries to close the door but Jace stops him]
Simon: Look, I’ll find another place. I just don’t want to be a prisoner of the Wolves Templar.
Jace: I think that’s a bit extreme.

Maia: There are worse things than being locked out of the Seely realm...and being drenched. We’re going to figure this out.
Simon: You’ve already done so much.
Maia: Simon! I care about you, so until you tell me to back off, I’m going to be right here wringing out your jacket. Got it?
Simon: Okay.
Maia: Let’s get you some dry clothes, warm blood, and a shower.
Simon: What about the mark?
[She touches his shoulder]
Maia: Just try not to piss anyone off and we’ll deal with it in the morning.

Maia: Well, there wouldn’t have been a whole ceremony about it if it didn’t do something.
Simon: What if the ceremony was just for her to get my blood? And now she’s making some mutant Daylighter fern?
Maia: [Sighs] Yeah, you might be onto something there.
Simon: Look, the point is, even if you could find out what the Seely Queen did to me, then what? Kiss my boo boo and make it feel better?
Maia: Maybe...
[She kisses him]
Simon: It’s actually to the left.
[She kisses his top left forehead]
Simon: Here.
[He points to his left cheek and she kisses it]
Simon: Here.
[He points to his lips]
Maia: Now you’re just stealing moves from Indiana Jones.
Simon: I did learn from the best.
[They kiss and make-out]

Simon: What are you planning on doing to me?
Seely Queen: Relax.
Simon: Come on. You guys really had to tie me up to vines again? Bad memories.
Seely Queen: It is this way, so that you don’t reflexively squirm.
Meliorn: It is ready, my lady.
Simon: Why are you going to hurt me? I’ve done everything you’ve asked, I’m a good guy...I sang you a song about nature!
Seely Queen: Don’t not fret. The hurt will be over before you know it.
Simon: So, this is it? This is the end? This is the end?!
Seely Queen: Proceed.
[Seely spins around the sticks]
Simon: What is that? What are you doing?!
[Simon screams in pain as the rune is applied]

Seelie Queen: Simon is quite valiant and chivalrous, unlike any of the other night children I've come to known. You're all free to leave. My servant will escort you out of the court to safety.
[She reveals a glowing orb]
Luke: What's the catch?
Seelie Queen: What makes you think there is one?
Simon: Luke, let's just go.
Luke: Nothing ever comes for free. You never do anything out of the kindness of your heart. Hell, you were gonna sell the entire Downworld...
Maia: Let's just get out of here while we still can.
Seelie Queen: She's a smart one, you should listen to her. Before I change my mind.

Maia: Greek alphabet, huh. Who knew dating a college boy would come in handy?
Simon: Oh no...
Maia: What...was it the word "dating"?
Simon: No, no, it was the word "college". I mean, I haven't been in school in forever. Classes started a week ago and my mom already paid the meal plan, and I don't eat anymore so she's out like three grand. And then...wait...are we dating?
Maia: Would that be a bad thing?
Simon: No. I just, things like going to class and boyfriend/girlfriend, they feel very...
Maia: Mundane.
Simon: Yeah.
Maia: Considering how insane everything's been...
Simon: We should just stick with, "I like you and you like me."
Maia: But what if I "like" like you?

Simon: You don't want things to end well, do you? You want war?
Seelie Queen: I want change. And you, Daylighter. Join me in my court, give me what I ask, and I'll grant you whatever your heart desires.
Simon: Thanks, but no thanks, your Highness.
[He starts to leave]
Seelie Queen: You've refused me twice now. No one in my very long life has ever dared do such a thing.
Simon: Well, considering you're trying to get vampires, warlocks and werewolves to play nice, might wanna get used to some rejection.

Simon: Let's get back to work, young Padawan.
[They look at him weird]
Simon: What? Don't tell me you don't know what a Jedi is?
Max: Ummm...
Simon: Izzy, what type of trainer are you? This is important stuff. Last one back to the boat base is a Gonk droid.
[He bumps into Maia]
Maia: Hey.
Simon: Hey.
Max: Are all vampires this weird?
Isabelle: Definitely not.

Alberto Rosende Quotes

Simon: What's up guys?
Gretel: We know Luke said you could crash here. But not here!
Simon: You don't want to touch me. Encanto!
Gretel: What the hell are you doing?
Simon: Encanto. Ummm...Encanto! It's supposed to make you do whatever I tell you to.
Gretel: You're the worst vampire ever.

Simon: So do you think it's true? What they're saying about Jace?
Luke: That he's working with Valentine? I don't think so.
Simon: I mean, he could come for Clary next. He's totally hung up on her.
Luke: So are you worried about Jace...or maybe telling Clary how you feel? Be bold, Simon.
Simon: I'm bold...adjacent.
[Both laugh]