Cheryl: Betty, it’s okay, it wasn’t Chic.
Betty: But it could’ve been. Chic is probably out there with a bullet in his forehead or...
Cheryl: Or he got away and he’s on a train back to Transylvania.
Betty: I delivered to The Black Hood, Cheryl. That makes me a murder. I’ve been trying to prove my dad’s a killer, when really all I had to do was look in the mirror. Oh God! He got what he wanted. We’re the same.

I also feel it my duty to say that like the furies of ancient Greece who ceaselessly pursue blood atonement when a crime’s been committed, the Vixens and I vow that we will not rest until those responsible for the murder of our sister is rightly punished.


Cheryl: If you so much as pluck one hair from Nana Rose’s little head, I’ll end you. I burned one house down, I’ll happily burn down another.
Penelope: Nightmare child, what do you want from me?
Cheryl: I want to be emancipated. I want Thistle House all to myself; my Nana. Start packing for me. You and Uncle Claudius are pig people; you should live amongst the pigs.

Cheryl: Kevin! I hear I’m back just in time for Carrie: The Musical, which you’re directing.
Kevin: You are. I’m having auditions this afternoon.
Cheryl: Cool. As far as the lead role is concerned, cancel them. I’m obviously Riverdale High’s Carrie White.
[She turns away to leave]
Cheryl: School’s gonna burn.

Cheryl: Inner circle, cousin Betty, I didn’t just bring you to Thistle House for a girlish slumber party. The truth is I’m terrified of being alone here. There’s a stranger in this house. My uncle Claudius, he’s as mad as the sea ever since he blew in, I feel like I’m in mortal peril.
Toni: Wait, I’m confused, is this real or are we playing a game?
Cheryl: All too real. T.T., I fear they’re plotting against me and Nana Rose.

Cheryl: As the one true Blossom heir, I feel it is my sacred duty to say a few words. The Blossoms have been bathing in blood since Great Grandpapi killed his brother. The original sinner of Riverdale. Well, I stand here before you today to say: No more. No more blood. No more madness. No more horror.

Alice: I knew it!
Hal: Alice, what the hell are you doing here?
Alice: Accusing you publically! You only wanted a divorce so that you could cheat me out of your big fancy Blossom payday.
Hal: It’s not just my payday, the girls share Blossom blood too.
Alice: My attorney is going to rip you apart! Isn’t that right, attorney McCoy?!
[Alice cuts off Sierra McCoy]
Alice: I will be taking half of whatever blood money you get from this inbred sesspool of a family. Yeah, that’s right, I said inbred.
[The crowd whispers]
Penelope: Would you please just leave?
Alice: Shut your face, you half-melted ten cent Trollope.
Toni: This is riveting.
Cheryl: I can’t breathe.

Penelope: You have no right to judge me! Not when you drove the one decent chance I had at a better life.
Cheryl: You mean with Hal Cooper? If that’s your idea of love...
[Penelope grabs Cheryl by the arm as Cheryl walks away]
Penelope: What would you know about it? You’ve never known love, Cheryl, except to rip it apart. Cause you are a jealous, spite-filled, starving, emotional anorexic. Have a nice day at school, dear.
[Penelope walks away]

Jughead: Hello?
Cheryl: How’s the lake house? Are you all settled in and spooning yet?
Jughead: Who is this?
Cheryl: It’s Cheryl, you welfare baby.
Jughead: Is something wrong?
Cheryl: Not yet. I just wanna make sure you know that Archie and Betty kissed in front of my house right before Christmas and it seemed plenty serious, like with tongue serious. That’s all! Enjoy your couples-only weekend, kisses to all. Bye now!
[He hangs up the phone]

Cheryl: Back so soon, Mr. Cooper?
Hal: Cheryl, what are you doing there sitting in the dark?
Cheryl: Do you know my mother is a harlot, don’t you? A modern day ‘Mofflanders’?
[She gets up from her chair]
Cheryl: What you’re doing could destroy your family. That’s why I’m not going to tell Betty, but I suggest you hurry home to your wife and daughter before I change my mind.

Penelope: Good news, Cheryl. After last night I earned nearly enough for that tree and the ludicrous presents you bought for yourself.
Cheryl: Bravo. Never mind the last two weeks I’ve been living in a bordello with a... “woman of the night.”
Penelope: Oh, it’s not that different from when I was younger and I had my pick of gentlemen callers lining up every evening.
Cheryl: Good God! You almost sound proud.
Penelope: You wanted me to get a job, Cheryl, and I did. Providing comfort and companionship to the lonely men of Riverdale.
[She leaves]

Penelope: Cheryl Marjorie Blossom! What have you done?!
Cheryl: Isn’t it obvious, Mother? I saved Christmas. Look how happy Nana Rose is.
Penelope: You spoiled wretched little brat. How do you expect to pay for all of this?!
Cheryl: Oh, I was thinking...maybe you could go to Mr. Lodge for a job? Of course, he’d probably ask what skills you have and you’d be forced to admit that only skill you have is being a terrible mother. So I guess you’re gonna have to get creative in the New Year.
[Cheryl leaves]
Nana: You should have drowned them at birth, like a basket of kittens.

Madelaine Petsch Quotes

Betty: I think a part of me has been in love with Archie for 10 years, Cheryl.
Cheryl: False. You’ve been in love with the idea of Archie. The idea of the perfect romance. That wasn’t real, that was fantasy. In this town of nightmares, you and Jughead found each other. That’s real. That’s maybe even, dare I say, endgame? Who knows?

Betty: Why are you asking me so many questions about Polly? Cheryl?!
Cheryl: Because, you dumb cow, someone shot my brother and I think it was your crazy tweaked-out sister.