This is my brother, OK? My own flesh and blood. Until two weeks ago, I thought I had lost him forever. What are the chances? The entire world dies, there are seven of us, and my brother shows up. That is not a coincidence. I said goodbye to him once. I am not gonna do it again. He has a friggin' cold.

Phil

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Episode:
The Last Man on Earth Season 2 Episode 17: "Smart and Stupid"
Show:
The Last Man on Earth
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The Last Man on Earth Season 2 Episode 17 Quotes, The Last Man on Earth Quotes
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The Last Man on Earth Season 2 Episode 17 Quotes

Erica: I was in jail. I somehow got arrested for leaving a bank with some money that wasn't mine. And then a man in a uniform found a gun on me that turned out to be mine.
Mike: So you're talking about armed robbery?
Erica: More like an armed misunderstanding.

Todd: Oh. That's funny. 'Cuz your farts smell like freshly-cooked bacon.
Mike: Thank you?