Better Off Ted Quotes

Ted: Bang zoom! I’m getting a muffin!

Commercial: The Veridian Foundation… helping the world then telling people about it makes us feel so good. The Veridian Foundation……

Lem: These super-bagels are terrible. You can totally taste the high impact carbon. Phil: That’s because they’re 98% high impact carbon….

Ted: And congratulations to you for falling through the ceiling in a metal tube and winning that game. That’s gotta feel good. Veronica:…

Phil: Are you sure we’re doing the right thing? Lem: I’ve never been so sure about being unsure of anything in my life. Phil: Good. Then…

Lem: Maybe we should take a stand. Maybe we should say this is the one thing that must not be used for evil. Phil: Or maybe we say that…

Ted: What are you afraid of? If you… if you throw a game, it’s gonna keep you out of the time-wasters hall of fame? Linda: No. My…

Ted: It’s hard for me to fulfill my manly duties when Phi keeps telling me how much I’m pleasuring him. Phil: Oh, my God. Ted: Yes, you…

Ted: Phil, why on earth would you use your voice for the translator device? Phil: It was the fastest way to fix it, since we already had…

Veronica: I saw what was going on in there between you and Fraulein Cheekbones. When you show her around town, keep your Hansels off her…