Californication Quotes

Hank: I know you’re saving the planet and all, but it doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole!

Hank Moody: Life is too short to dance with fat girls.

Hank Moody: It’d be nice if I could fellate myself while farting the White album, but I haven’t quite mastered that yet.

Hank Moody: We have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The Internet was…

Hank Moody: Nobody likes you. You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f–cking douche!

Hank Moody: Well, you should’ve called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you coulda left a message, which I would’ve quickly erased.

Hank Moody: A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

Hank Moody: I won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.

Hank Moody: I just get so lonely sometimes. I need a hug for a moment and the moment passes. I’m good. Smell you later.

Hank Moody: Oh, look at the time: The big hand says F**k, and the little hand says Off. Good thing there’s not a second hand. I’m going in.