Family Guy Quotes

Peter: Some people say we’re just a computer simulation run by a higher species. Is that true? God: It is.

Peter: You were right about everything. God: Say that again. Peter: You were right about everything. God: That’s all I needed to hear….

God: Actually, Peter, from what I’ve seen, I think your family would be better off without you. Peter: What? What do you mean? God: Well,…

Lois: Every adult has to take an Ambien every night to even have a prayer at sleep.

Peter: God? God: Yes, but no Trump questions. Peter. Okay, but I have nothing else to ask you.

Peter: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sleep on the couch, on the couch.

Quagmire: Dad, I don’t know how to thank you. You’ve given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.

Peter: C’mon, Quagmire, it’s not impossible. You want impossible? Try eating local pizza with a guy from New York.

Quagmire: You don’t know what that penis meant to me. We did everything together. Everything.

Peter: Doc. Give it to us straight. What’s going on with our friend? Dr. Hartman: Well, Mr. Griffin, there’s no easy way to put this, so…