Family Guy Quotes

Hammer: Remember, Peter, never walk anywhere when you can ride something weird instead.

Peter: What happened? All of a sudden I feel I know better than everyone else. Hammer: That’s because anytime anyone walks through a…

Hammer: First, I’d like to not thank you for hiring me, because I just expect good things to happen to me without working for them.

Quagmire: Peter, that’s the problem with kids today. They have no attention span.

Stewie: I’m off to get you a job, a girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.

Stewie: What the hell have you been complaining about?

Brian: Stewie, I’m in Chris’ body. I’m dragging 250 pounds of lard up a ladder.

Brian: There was a time, not to long ago, when people would talk with each other. Peter: Yeah, the bad time. The sucky ages. Brian: Our…

Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here. Play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man…

Peter: If God would have wanted women in the workplace he would have made them alcoholics.