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Abby McCarthy is in bed, watching herself on Today's Talk, a show I see far too often! Her husband, Jake, comes home and she hurriedly turns off the lights.

IN the morning, the kids rum into their room. Jake's taking a pee with the door open. In front of the kids. WHA??

Abby and Jake text each other about Jake's night of sex. Abby takes the kids to school, chats with Phoebe and pops open a pack of cigarettes. Her friend, Lyla, is already divorced. It's a big topic of conversation.

Abby is sure everyone knows about her pending divorce. She runs into her brother Max at the coffee shop. He can't believe she's friends with Lyla and Phoebe.

Jake hasn't been living at home and he's been dating, but he's allowed because they're on a break. Lyla doesn't quite agree. Phoebe tells Abby what was seen by others. Jake getting a room with a CW actress who was born in 1989, the year she and Jake graduated from college.

Abby doesn't like the idea of somebody new seeing her naked with her baby boobs. Phoebe thinks she should get them done and lops our hers for Abby to feel. A gal trying on clothes hears the doc's name and whips hers out too. Oh wow! Four matching boobs. Abby thinks they're gorgeous.

Abby is looking a book photos, wondering where her pores are. She looks like a cyborg.

The bad news is Abby's agent wants photographs of the family or, at the very least, her and Jake. Whoops.

Lyla's ex-husband, Dan, who committed to a new lifestyle of S&M when they split, found a new woman. He's ready to change now. Lovely. After an argument, she offers him food since the maid made too much. Yep!

What comes next? Sex. One for the road, as Lyla puts it. Her first call is to the police to report a drunk driver. She sends a text, "Nailed him," but she looks anything but happy aobut it.

Max' husband says hi to Abby at school the next morning. Jake is there; the whole gang. Abby shares with Max they've been on a break. Max reiterates hanging with the poster moms for divorce aren't the best role models. 

Jake and Abby argue while waiting for their kid Charlie's presentation at school. Jake doesn't like her books, although she points out they put him through film school.

Abby gives up. She wants to get laid. Phoebe takes the ladies to what looks like an empty strip club. Inside? Hipster Disney Land. Abby enjoys herself much. Abby wonders what's up with her and Ralph, her ex. He gets off on paying her -- for sex. Now that their sex is illicit again, he's obsessed.

Abby can't get over the strange factor of guys hitting on her. Phoebe says if she doesn't get over it soon, she's going to take matters into her own hands. She leans in for a very sexy kiss. That's what friends are for, mama.

The bar dude who saw Phoebe plant one on her asks if that's how she rolls. Abby says she hasn't rolled in so long she doesn't even know. She notices he's not married. She notes there are two sides of life. The married side and the other side. Will reveals he's the manager, not the bartender. 

Abby asks if she can try something, inching closer to Will, putting her hand on his chest and kissing him. That's how she rolls. He takes her inside and introduces her around. She's never been with a younger man and he's never been with a woman who had children before. Oh my.

As Abby is ready to "get involved" with the younger man, her daughter calls. Teenage drama. He seems determined to give her the younger man experience. She thinks she's a little too natural for him "down there." she's really hairy, she says.

Will gives Abby direction on what to touch. She's shocked, but excited enough to call out Jake's name. Whoops. Will doesn't mind, but he wants her to pay attention because he's workin' hard. 

After, they lay together and she says he was incredible. She shares what happened with her marriage. Jake found emails from someone else. It was intense and he was great with words, but it was never physical. She wonders if she wanted to get caught, anything but go on the way they were.

Will want to cook for her and asks if she wants to hang out tomorrow. She wants to just let things happen and doesn't even leave her number. Will seems shocked.

Abby makes a call. Crazy (a Gnarls Barkley cover) plays over the scene and it's perfect. She admits she said Jake's name. She wishes she could just shake it off after all these years. Then she finds out it's 5 a.m.

Jake's waiting for her when she gets home and they argue about what happened. He thinks they should just make love now. She wonders if it's a man thing, like he's gonna pee on her to prove he's hers. She can't, she can't. Jake thinks her skin is crawling. Jake's the answer lady and who's gonna buy her words now. 

Jake decides it's over. Their argument escalates and the kids burst into the room when Jake's handling her. They know they're getting a divorce. Hell, Dad's not even living her anymore. 

It's school time again. Abby looks like hell. Max wants to talk. Max doesn't understand.

Before her book signing, she starts hyperventilating while she's crying. Lyla and Phoebe are there for her. She's announced. The title of her book? "The Girlfriends' Guide to Getting Your Groove Back: How to love our husband and your family without losing your mind." Ouch.

Abby can't hold it together. She tells it like it is. It doesn't go over well. It's perfect.

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce
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Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Abby: Well, people know. I can tell. Eric Frank eye-banged me at drop off. He's like a divorce seeking missile.
Lyla: Yeah, well, he finger-banged Marjorie Davis so count yourself lucky.

Abby: You smell like sex.
Jake: Screw you.