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As is often the case, there were three storylines this week.

FIRST, Manny set himself up with an Internet date after bonding with a woman (occasional Daily Show correspondent Kristen Schaal) online that also likes vampire novels. Turns out, though, she was much older and was aghast at the sight of an 11-year old when she showed up. But Manny, bless his mature heart, was totally understand - while Gloria took the time to make-over this poor, insecure woman.

By the end of the episode, she looked pretty good. But she might not have luck in the dating world still: after meeting (a clearly homosexual) Cameron, she told the camera she may have found "the one." Hilarious sigh.

SECOND, Phil and Claire clashed over the universal remote. She had no idea how to work it and broke it in frustration. A perturbed Phil purchased a new one, however, and made a bet with his wife: if he could teach their dumbest child (Haley) how to use it in 20 minutes, Claire would have to apologize and accept it as part of their lives. The wager was on!

While Haley struggled at first, Phil gave her a pep talk that pretty much said to stick it to mom for all the times she'd been wrong in the past. This inspired Haley to both learn how to use the remote and (secretly) show Claire late in the epiode. Not the funniest storyline ever, but the scene where Phil sung to his wife about how the thermastat works was a classic.

THIRD, Chazz Palminteri guest-starred as Jay's friend Shorty. Mitchell told his dad Shorty was gay (though we later find out this was said as a way to get back at Jay for disrespecting Cameron), which prompted Jay to have a heart-to-heart with his pal. After all, Jay was disappointed in himself for how he had handled Mitchell's coming out of the closet.

Naturally, the chat didn't go as Jay expected. Shorty denied being gay, but did admit he was in debt and thought Jay was offering to help him cover a loss of $20,000. Jay had little choice but to accept.

Modern Family
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Modern Family Season 1 Episode 13 Quotes

I have this theory that Phil purposely installs complicated technology so he has a reason to talk to me like I'm a child.


Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.