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Minnie Driver guest-starred on this episode as a former friend and co-worker of Claire's. While our favorite housewife is now a stay-at-home mother, Driver's Valerie is a successful businesswoman.

In fact, during her lunch with Claire, she receives the news that she's now the head of international accounts for her hotel. This makes Claire realize that Valerie actually pities her life as just a mother and wife, so Claire says it would be nice if she were simply a bigger person...

... but she isn't, so she takes Valerie home to show off her family. Claire picked the wrong day to brag about the Dunphys, however. Luke and Alex have been collecting bottles to recyle, but one of them brought a rat with it, which Alex is now chasing around the house. Luke has stripped down to his underwear because he spilled alcohol all over himself and Phil... well, he's stuck in a port-o-potty and he's wearing a mustache.

The former is true because construction workers had to turn off the home's water, and then Dylan's car blocked Phil inside the outdoor bathroom (Dylan and Haley are fighting in all this chaos, as well). He's donning the fake facial hair, meanwhile, because someone drew a mustache on his bench billboard and he wants to make it look appropriate.

Claire storms away in anger, but misses her family and eventually returns. Do they judge her or pick on her? Nope, they just offer her some dinner.

This was the main storyline of the show, but there were also two others:

1. Mitchell tried to talk to Gloria about a car accident, as Jay recommended his lawyer son to represent her. Turns out, though, Jay simply didn't wanna tell Gloria the accident was her fault and she's an awful driver. Mitchell was therefore left to relay this news, which set Gloria off. She soon returned and apologized, though, because she needed Mitchell's help: she just got into yet another, even bigger car accident.

2. Jay and Cameron played racquetball. The latter won, but the former claimed he had an excuse: he was distracted by an incident we saw earlier in the episode, as the men were standing back to back and took off their underwear... only to have a "moon landing," as Cameron called it. This is when two bare backsides accidentally touch. He could be worse, he told Jay: they could have had a "splash down," where the same thing happens, only immediately following a shower.

Modern Family
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Modern Family Season 1 Episode 14 Quotes

I mean, for me it's a locker room. For him, it's a showroom.


Cameron: Don't tell me that was your first moon landing.
Jay: You have a name for it?!?