Archer Quotes from "Archer Vice: House Call"

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Click through the best Archer quotes from this Season 5 episode now. These lines crack us up!

1. I was concerned about you - blow me!

An archer intervention

I was concerned about you - blow me!

I was concerned about you - blow me!

2. Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some...

An archer intervention

Lana: Cheryl?
Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain't burned to the ground.

Lana: Cheryl? Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would...

3. I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of...

An archer intervention

I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.

Hawley
I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.

4. I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

An archer intervention

Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for?
Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for? Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

5. You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

An archer intervention

You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

Ron
You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

6. So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious...

An archer intervention

So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to freedom, giving that swell guy Archer a combination thank-you-goodbye blow job.

So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to...

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Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?