Californication Recap: "Land of Rape and Honey"

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In typical Californication fashion, this episode tackles sensitive topics like rape and suicide with a tactlessness that makes viewers literally LOL in disbelief!

Ed Westwick guest stars in this episode as a depressed, sexually confused, vampire-loving writing student.

Unfortunately, his newly minted orofessor, Hank Moody, isn't really mentor material. Read on for the complete recap of this week's episode, titled "Land of Rape and Honey."

Westwick on Californiacation

We've listed a few of our favorite Californication quotes from the hour below:

Hank: At least I'm not tucking my dong in class, not with my pants off anyway.
Felicia: Have you taken the sexual harassment seminar yet? | permalink
Charlie: If you and I were trapped on a desert island, it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper. | permalink
Charlie: Can I ask you a question, Sue?
Sue: The answer is yes, I would love a face ride. | permalink
Marcie: What are you thinking?
Charlie: Guess I thought it was something you might enjoy. You know, and maybe in the middle, you'd be like, 'God, I really do love this schmuck.'
Marcie: You thought that in the middle of raping me, I'd realize how much I love you? | permalink
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Californication Quotes

I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?

Hank

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody