Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can't have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I'm with her, even when I'm not.

Hank: Have you heard from our literary pilgrim?
Karen: No, only what she puts up on Instagram.
Hank: Oh. What's Instagram?

That's the eternal dilemma isn't it? Home sweet home versus the wild call of the world outside your door.


Being a fu-king feminist is not about castrating men you cooky c-nt. It's about learning to coexist with these dumb f-cks.


Hank: We need to sneak some drugs into rehab.
Bates: That sounds fun. How can I help?

Use every chance you get children. Do not deny yourself, follow every instinct. Then sit down and write about it, but do not get up until you expose yourself.


Who pissed on my pants? Who pissed on my pants?


Anyone can by cynical Hank. Dare to be an optimist.


Nothing like a sweet little Charlie Runkle coming of age story, to make you wanna stab yourself in the dick.


The person that I want to have everything to do with, wants nothing to do with me.


Yeah, so, Marilyn Manson is trying to get your daughter and I into a threesome right now.


Karen: You're making some questionable choices right now.
Becca: Says the queen of questionable choices.

Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody