Californication

Californication Quotes

Season 6 Episode 12: "I'll Lay My Monster Down"

Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can't have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I'm with her, even when I'm not.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: Have you heard from our literary pilgrim?
Karen: No, only what she puts up on Instagram.
Hank: Oh. What's Instagram?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lou: That's the eternal dilemma isn't it? Home sweet home versus the wild call of the world outside your door.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 6 Episode 11: "The Abby"

Marcy: Being a fu-king feminist is not about castrating men you cooky c-nt. It's about learning to coexist with these dumb f-cks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: We need to sneak some drugs into rehab.
Bates: That sounds fun. How can I help?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bates: Use every chance you get children. Do not deny yourself, follow every instinct. Then sit down and write about it, but do not get up until you expose yourself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 8: "Everybody's a F. Critic"

Charlie: Who pissed on my pants? Who pissed on my pants?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Faith: Anyone can by cynical Hank. Dare to be an optimist.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: Nothing like a sweet little Charlie Runkle coming of age story, to make you wanna stab yourself in the d**k.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 7: "The Dope Show"

Hank: The person that I want to have everything to do with, wants nothing to do with me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Karen: Yeah, so, Marilyn Manson is trying to get your daughter and I into a threesome right now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: You're making some questionable choices right now.
Becca: Says the queen of questionable choices.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: Sometimes it's important to lie to children.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 6: "In the Clouds"

Faith: I think you might be more trouble than you look.
 • Rating: Unrated

Atticus: Masturbation is for the poor, the downtrodden, the silent unf-ckables.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Becca: Do you guys mind if I crash here, do some writing? Maybe have a few people over?
Charlie: Whatever you need. I got alcohol, I got pornography, I got Pictionary.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 5: "Rock and a Hard Place"

Charlie: I never was the p-ssy eater you were.
Stu: You should have thought about it Charlie. Compensate for your sh-tty hang time and your serious lack of inches.
Charlie: Jesus! F-ck you Stu!
Stu: Sorry, just keeping it real.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: Why are you living beyond your means?
Charlie: It's the only way I know how.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: How'd it go buddy boy?
Charlie: I'm sitting in the dark in my underwear Hank, day drinkin'.
Hank: Got it.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ken: How was the party last night?
Charlie: Ah well, guys in black leather, the smell of moist ass hair. What's not to like?
 • Rating: Unrated

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