Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime

Season: 5 4 3

Californication Quotes

Episode 7: "Here I Go Again"

Hank: That's it? You're just gonna stand by your man?
Karen: That's what I do.
• Rating: Unrated

Stu: I know I'm not a handsome man, but I am a very successful man. I know what it's like to be hit on by pretty young things who want something from me.
Charlie: Must be nice, wish I did.
• Rating: Unrated

Richard: I gotta come clean Hank, she's been through too much. No offense.
Hank: Some taken.
• Rating: Unrated

Holly: I shook my money maker to an entire album form him, Guns N' Roses, "Appetite".
Hank: Great album.
Holly: The best! I lost my cherry to it, front and back.
• Rating: Unrated

Episode 6: "Love Song"

Hank: Come on back to bed. Let's californicate.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Karen: L.A. changes people.
Hank: Cities don't change people, people don't even change people. We are who we are.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marcy: Everything is f**king fake OK? The houses are like sets and the people are indistinguishable from actors, it's awesome!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I love L.A. I love it! I said it, I meant it, I'm here to represent it.
Karen: Who are you right now?
Hank: I don't know.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 5: "The Ride-Along"

Hank: You wanna come down and put some clothes on before the law gets here?
Bates: No, nah, nonsense , I'm tucked. You know I was just telling Karen I used to f**k guys like Tyler back in prison. Did I ever tell you about the year I spent behind bars?
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: So what's the move here? Good cop, bad cop, bald cop?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: That's right, we're pullin' you over mutha fukka!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I can't believe this, we are actually sitting around watching a cop eat doughnuts.
• Rating: Unrated

Cop: I never pulled my piece out on the job, never, not once.
Hank: Ah, too bad the same can't be said for Runkes.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Samurai: What the f**k you got against Ryan Seacrest man?
Hank: Nothing in particular, the guy just bugs the s**t out of me.
Samurai: Why? This mother f**ker, he works hard, makes millions of dollars and he got a f**kin' catchphrase which I don't have and you wanna kill him dead? That's some harsh s**t Moody.
• Rating: Unrated

Episode 4: "Waiting for the Miracle"

Carrie: You f**ked me in the ass Hank! I swallowed your cum, but worst of all, I swallowed your f**king bulls**t. And you can rationalize it all you want by saying you were always honest with me, but it's still stealing.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: No she's not right and even if she were you're her parent. It's your job to make her feel like she's wrong.
• Rating: Unrated

Bates: To go in through the outdoor is maybe the most beautiful act known to modern man.
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: Innocent until proven diminutive.
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: Here's to bending over and taking it, Hollywood style.
Bates: And this from the nineteenth writer on Santa Monica Cap, I'm touched.
Hank: Ah douché my friend, douché .
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0