Melrose Place Review: "Mulholland"

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Melrose Place rarely disappoints because it knows what it is (especially now that Ashlee Simpson is gone): Intrigue below the surface, sexiness, scandal and over-the-top drama.

For the most part, "Mulholland" was a success, albeit a bit slow. Which wasn't so bad, necessarily, for an episode built almost exclusively around relationships. Here's TVF's review:

Amanda is still poking around for her hidden treasure when she walks into David's apartment and starts checking out the art on his walls. She's interested in his "Sydney Original."

Unfortunately for her, even after some elaborate thievery of her own, it wasn't what she was after. Meanwhile, Riley's business trip to D.C. ends with her kissing her boss Ben.

Not awkward at all. They try to act casual about it. Until Ben decides he's bored with Amanda, then tells Riley he wants her instead. Wow, that was prompt and totally realistic!

Naturally, Amanda had Ben tailed and sees photos of them kissing.

Amanda confronts Riley, who feels terrible and quits ... Ben and her job. Man, that Amanda Woodward glare is something else. We'd have the valet turn on your car from now on.

Who are we kidding, Riles doesn't valet anything. Okay, moving on ...

David Gets Busted

Is David getting in over his head? Is he ever not?

David is really trying to get his life together. He's quit stealing from people, he admits Lauren that Noah is his son, and even shows up to the hospital with takeout for his girl.

But since Lauren cut a deal with Satan, a.k.a. Dr. Mancini, last week, she dumps him. He immediately starts stealing from people again so he can buy Coal. This show rules.

Looking to score a giant diamond, he's busted by a hot girl with a very powerful father. Luckily, hot girl does not care. In fact, the gal tells David that she'll let him walk ...

... WITH the diamond no less ...

... if he'll have sex with her.

As we said, on what planet does any of this happen? None, but we love it. TVF NOTE: Hot girl is Melissa Ordway, also of The Last Song with Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

He's just about to take that deal when dear old dad arrives. Rain check?

Later, at Coal, David announces that he's the owner. Where did he get the money, people wonder. He ought to buy some mutual funds or something, this just raises red flags.

Elsewhere, on a blissful, domestic front, things are getting a bit too domestic for poor Ella. A dog birthday party date is just too much for a girl addicted to her Crackberry.

She says a relationship may not be for her, blah, blah, blah, Katie Cassidy is SO hot, Jonah realizes he has to accept Ella as she is, blah, blah, they're still together for now.

Dr. Drew, meanwhile, tries to get to know Lauren, but hits a bit too close to home when he says his other job is a male escort. Wow. What are the odds of using that line?!

His actual side gig is in a band, playing at the dog's birthday party, the one where Jonah and Ella just happen to be fighting about their coupledom and so on and so forth.

Things go awry after Jonah catches Ella flirting to advance her own career as he's ... schmoozing to advance his. Oh, poor Jella. You knew this would happen at some point.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

  • We miss Auggie.
  • Okay, not really.
  • Every episode from now on must feature Nick Zano shirtless.
  • Any theories on what Amanda is looking for in the painting?
  • Drew's band sang Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out," natch.
  • We love how Rick Fox owns (owned) Coal. We also love his hair.
  • Are we watching a Ben-Amanda master plan to destroy Riley, a la something Chuck and Blair would dream up on Gossip Girl? We hope so, because if not, it's boring.

Review

Editor Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.7 / 5.0 (14 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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I have to confess I am digging the new Melrose Place. I worry that since it's on the CW, a large audience doesn't have access to it- therefore the true audience can't be reflected. The six-week break was well utilized in plot enhancement. I feel the breach between *old* Melrose and *new* is now a good blend and starting to gel. I'm liking it a lot!

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I love this CHAPTER, PLEASE DO NOT CANCEL MP JUST REMOVE STEPHANIE JACOBSEN, MICHAEL RADY AND JESSICA LUCAS AND GET Mischa Barton Cam Gigandet Alexis Bledel OR RETURN ASHLEE SIMPSON AND TRAVIS VAN WINKLE

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