Gossip Girl Review: Poor Dan, Poorer Juliet and Holy Chairifornication!

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With heavy doses of hate sex, humor and twisted scheming, with a mega-teaser for next week to close it out, last night's Gossip Girl was everything we thought it could be.

Between Chuck and Blair's dueling, equally inept approaches to quitting the other to the gang confusing the heck out of the Dean (and us) to bail out S, it was GG at its best.

Counting the number of breakups may require a second hand, but that's par for the course. Juliet's plot was finally exposed (sort of), but she'll be back with reinforcements.

NJBC vs. the Outsiders? This is going to be good. Anyone taking bets?

Get That Beauty Rest

THIS NEEDS TO END: So Blair said. We couldn't disagree more.

"Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore" was proof that in the Gossip Girl universe, anything goes as long as you're invested and amused. We were definitely both throughout.

Most of the comic relief was provided by Chuck and Blair, who turned what could have been a completely lame plot line into one of the funniest ones we've seen in while.

Determined to break the cycle of hate sex, Blair wants a Bassectomy, to quit cold turkey. Chuck, meanwhile, wants Queen B to limber up for some "immersion therapy."

Pretty much every word out of either one was classic - conjuring up memories of old school, sleazy Chuck, only chasing Blair this time - as they tried to figure this out.

What made it truly great was the end, though. War games? Just friends? Hate sex? Check, check and check. Let's face it, they belong together, it's just a matter of time.

While Chair's sexual escapades took place throughout the episode, the main story line(s) involved Dan, Serena and Vanessa's plan to expose both Serena and later Juliet.

If you got confused reading that last sentence, that's appropriate, given how many twists this night took. But as we say, when it works, it works, and it definitely worked.

Dan decides he has feelings for Serena again (shocker there), and tells her to break up with Colin if he won't quit teaching for her. Which backfires after he does. Poor Dan.

At the same time, Nate goes to drop off Juliet's things and lied about where she lives, then enlists Vanessa to help get to the bottom of ... whatever the impostor's up to.

The secret Juliet was keeping is that she's ... poor. We still don't know why Serena is the bane of her existence, but she's merely fronting that she's an Upper East Sider.

A Nate and Juliet Pic

FAIL: Juliet was no match for our Upper East Siders. But in Round 2 ...

Naturally, this garners sympathy from Nate, who gives her another shot, but only after Vanessa somehow bribed her way in (yeah, right) to Juliet's modest apartment.

There, she found the pics of Serena and Colin, who had just convinced Juliet to let Ben serve time in jail for what he did (we still don't know), accept it and move on.

We did learn that Ben was a teacher of some kind, and that Colin thinks he deserves to be in jail. His link to Serena is still unclear, however. Boarding school, maybe?

Anyway, had Vanessa not broken in, things might have gone smoothly. But it's V. She's been beaten too many times to act rationally. You know she's gonna go rogue.

Things came to a head at the ballet they all attended, but right as Vanessa (and somehow Juliet) planned to expose Serena and Colin to the Dean, the gang intervened.

Colin announced he quit. Blair lied and said she slept with him. Chuck delivered some raspy-voiced nonsense. Blair ganked the flash drive and plopped it in champagne.

It was awesome. You could Juliet's her plan fizzled. Is this thing on?

Later, Colin skipped town to "focus on business," leaving Serena lonely and calling up Dan to "console her." But Nate ran into her first and begged for a second chance.

Which, apparently, he's going to get. Poor Dan again. Since Dena helped hook us on GG, we have a soft spot for that couple, but we enjoy Serenate as well. Tough call.

The episode concluded on a supremely awesome note when the vanquished Juliet joined forces with Vanessa and enlisted another outcast to join their crusade: Jenny.

As the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Give Juliet and Vanessa credit for this at least, they don't take defeat sitting down, and they know their limits.

To stand any chance of victory against the NJBC, they need to call in the big guns. We have no clue what they'll try to pull off, but it'll be a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

** - NJBC = Non-Judging Breakfast Club, an unofficial support group formed back in Season One by Chuck, Blair, Nate and Serena, after she revealed she killed someone.

What did you think of Monday's Gossip Girl? How much do you love Chair? Do you prefer Derena or Serenate? Do the outsiders stand a chance? Discuss!


Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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Rating: 3.9 / 5.0 (367 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


this episode is full of awesomeness. for the first time we see V get her b!tch on. Plotting and vindictive (though not quite smart or effective) it's a breath of fresh air. like a rebirth. it reminds me of the evolution of Jenny to conquer UES. classic. and speaking of J, forming an alliance with V and Juliet?! didn't see that coming. GG awesomeness. then there's always Chair sex which makes any episode worth watching. Fireworks! :P


I probably understand why Vanessa is so bitter. Everything she's loved, she lost because of the UES. Still, it's not her fault that the UES is so alluring. As for Juliet, well, I understand, too, but Jenny? Come on. She gets into bad situations because of her own bad choices/actions. She's the one who wanted to get into the UES, and she let herself get lost in it, so I really don't see what business she has taking revenge on the NJBC. Poor Dan, though. He can't get over Serena, and Serena can't let him go, but she loves Nate. :( I absolutely ♥ Blair and Chuck, though. I think that the way their relationship is progressing is really nice. Well, we aren't seeing so much of their families and other people, true, but then, Gossip Girl isn't about them. The center of Gossip Girl is the NJBC. Btw, EPIC WIN FOR THE EXILE OF JULIET SCENE. \m/ That has got to be the best part of this episode. Libido-fueled Chair scenes have to be second to that, though. XD


Juliet's brother Ben was in the first season! He was in the second episode, "the wild brunch." Maybe this is connected to why Juliet and Ben are out to get Serena...?


One, it's driving me crazy my friend and I fell behind on this last year and just caught up a couple of weeks ago. Truth, I'm rooting for Dan and Serena, since the Colin thing is over it. And I really liked Nate and Juliet together, they could have gone somewhere and bonded. Super upset that Vanessa had to go in, confuse Juliet and ruin the good stuff she had going for her. She needs to be saved from her brother, he's just bad juju and instead of going down a lone he's dragging her with him. As for some scandal like SerenaXBen... it has to be something way way more serious to get him into trouble like that and for him to want to create some sort of revenge. No, person is going to destroy another's life or have more than 2-3 years in prison, as well as lose everything, because they slept with a student. Also, I am really happy Blair and Chuck seem to be fixing things. I love that powerful complementary relationship they have. It's always great to love someone that complements and strengths your traits as well as fills in your weaknesses.


It's nice to see Jenny on the end. I wish even Georgina joins in, it will be a nice 4 vs 4 fight! It has become so predictable how team Blair wins :( Do you want me to believe that Vanessa did not take a back up of such critical information? Really? Someone who is so much into film-making and literature? Remember how she used the tape of Nate's cousin's life-saving campaigning trick? Even if she didn't isn't it common knowledge that deleted information can be retrieved from recycle bin, or even try system restore? GG was supposed to be clever and bitchy. It has been ages since they surprised us! Also if we look back at this season it is only Blair & Juliette are actually doing anything worth while, Concealing, scheming trying to get what the want. When Serena dated Dan first there was some sense in it, she wanted to be a part of simple way of life. Now she doesn't know love from lust. She is unsure if she wants Nate, Dan, Colin, Carter or the bartender ! She chooses on who is more willing to sleep with her.
It is losing its well defined look.. What is happening with the parents for that matter? Lily, Rufus, their son Scott, Rufus' gallery, music, Eleanor's work, her husband,step husband, Nate's family and so on.. much of these things were going on before. This show is losing all the parts that made it complete and likeable in the first place. Do you guys really think that gossip girl is good enough?


This episode was one of the best!!Chuck and Blair's storyline was a knockout, combination of comic scene,a bit of drama and romance.I cried on the last part when they hug each other, you can see from their eyes that they are still very much in love..But I think it's better that way at least for now, cause once they'll be back together and off again they will go back to hating once again..How I wish that the writers will give them a line that says, they will remain friends until they are both ready for a lasting relationship..And both Chuck and Blair will promise that they wont date anyone, and if they do they would have to ask approval from each other, because after all if they won't approved of it thay can have sex anyway..Until thay fully realized how they love each other and be together for the rest of their lives.. Just my opinion..


Rooting for Dan and serena!!! All the way!


JUTZ ! you have a point about serena. It's definitely something from boarding school because she was gone from NYC for a year anything couldve happened. Maybe that's why he didn't want to get involved with Colin at first because of the guilt from the previous scandal. Very interesting. Where did she go to boarding school anyways ? I don't remember if they addressed where she had gone.


Reading the boarding school thing has got me thinking...maybe Serena slept with Ben, who was her teacher at boarding school, and he got fired and sent to jail or she slept with another teacher at boarding school and Serena, to protect her lover, lied and said it was Ben who she slept with.
Also it's totally gonna be NJBC who win! The outsiders have no chance...well, maybe their chances are a little higher with Gothic Barbie! She knows how to scheme coz she learnt from the best...Blair! I reckon it would be really interesting if it was The Outsiders v. NJBC+Dan! Humphreys pitted against each other!
Loving Chuck and Blair! I saw the end as a kinda parallel for last week except much more romantic, like 'maybe-they're-back-together' romantic! Fingers crossed!


I wish she would stick to filmmaking and stay away from them. I wouldn't mind seeing her as a filmmaker and I don't have any clue how she will redeem herself to me.

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Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Quotes

Chuck: This comforter blocks out so much noise they could sell it to Bose.
Blair: This has got to end.
Chuck: I thought I just did.
Blair: That was the last time.

Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like life is just passing us by. It's not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Music

  Song Artist
Blue moon Blue Moon Kendal Johansson iTunes
Song As Far As I Can See The 88 iTunes
Down by the water Down By The Water The Drums iTunes