Two and a Half Men Season Premiere Scoop: MURDER!

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It's been confirmed: Two and a Half Men will premiere its ninth season with a funeral in honor of Charlie Harper. It will feature a few big names stopping by to pay their respects to the womanizer.

Now, sources tell TMZ just how the show will arrive at this storyline: through murder!!!

Ashton Kutcher on Set

Ashton Kutcher reacts to applause on his first day of shooting Two and a Half Men.

At the sitcom's taping Friday night, witnesses say Rose gave a speech in which it was revealed she and Harper got married, but she soon discovered that he had cheated on her. He subsequently "slipped" off a Pars subway platform and was blown into a "meat explosion."

The implication? Rose killed Charlie and got away with it.

Sounds like something Chuck Lorre would right about his former star's character, doesn't it?

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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket