Um, Mike? Do you know the definition of the word "joke?" It's meant to be something funny, not whatever you tried to pull this week on Jersey Shore.

Argh, I don't know who was more annoying here: Mike for being a scheming moron? Or Snooki for playing the "it's never my fault" game? Sorry, Snooks, I'd say you lose this round.

In "Damage Is Done," the Jersey Shore cast shows us a wee bit of why they deserve to be paid so much per episode - because they're surrounded by CRAZY at all times and forced to tolerate each other. I'm beginning to think Mike isn't nuts, he's just plain stupid, because his "who's the rat?" plan was riddled with flaws. For a group of people who should be familiar with mob movie tactics (I'm full-blooded Italian, so I can say these things), Mike certainly didn't execute his strategy very well.

Psst, Sitch? You need to tell people different versions of the story to see which one gets back to Snooki, not the same story. It's a wonder he can comb his 1992-style hair and get dressed in the morning. And don't even get me started on having a friend named "Unit." Sigh...

While I usually find Snooki immensely entertaining, she was a bit over the top this week. First of all, hurling everything in sight and only hitting Mike one out of every 10 tries is pathetic. Not that I'd expect her to have a good arm (or much reach, she's like 4'11") but I've seen Little League pitchers with better aim. Secondly, she was repeating everything she said like a broken record and was beginning to sound like a small, brown Rain Man.

Aside from the Mike-told-Unit-to-call-Jionni drama (Oh, no, he di-in't!) there was the whole "Italy, we're really sorry" thing again when the girls showed every Tuscan winery employee where the phrase "ugly American" came from. Yikes. As for the boys' Sicilian visit to Vinny's family, they showed American viewers why Italians only know one setting: excess. Too much food, too many people talking... what can I say? We don't do moderation well.

Finally, I don't want to pontificate on the Snooki "Get your sh-t together" thing for too long, I'll just say this: The truth hurts. Especially if you've spent your whole life being surrounded by people who coddle you and are only there to make you feel better. Friends tell us what we don't always want to hear, and parents are supposed to teach us to take responsibility for our actions. Snooki's dad? Thumbs down. JWOWW? Two thumbs up (even if she gets yelled at for giving it straight). Jionni? Needs to hit the bricks.

That whole relationship is predicated on lies, and if you really love someone you don't play the "I was too drunk to know what I was doing" card and and jump from bed to bed. It's as simple as that. Okay, I'll get down off my soap box now, promise.

In summary, things that were awesome this week: Pauly's commentary of the Snooki vs. Mike heavyweight bout (The Matrix reference = priceless) and Snooki's excitement at her first nun spotting (Really? Aren't there nuns in New Jersey?). 

Things that confounded: Ronnie and Sammi still not fighting? This must be a record of some sort (actually, I'm kind of proud of them, I can't lie). Also, Snooki's dad being a total enabler when he told her about Jionni changing his Facebook status to "single" (DOUBLE Oh no he di-in't!) and assured her that it wasn't her fault. Cough *bullsh-t* cough. PS, nothing is real or official until it shows up on our Facebook profile, duh. Everyone knows that.

As for the action next week, it's anybody's guess. Keep it right here for more Jersey commentary, and as always Shore fans, keep it classy.