Wednesdays 10:00 PM on A&E
Duck-dynasty

Duck Dynasty Recap: Battle of the Burgers

by at .  Updated at .

On the same night Bravo aired the Top Chef finale, Willie and Jase went all Emeril Lagasse on viewers.

Oh, yes, Duck Dynasty Season 5 Episode 5 featured a cook-off between these two family members.

The two got into it over who makes the better burger, figuring the only way to decide for sure was to engaged in a cook-off. It's not about who is the better chef, Jase clarifies, it's about who is the better burger "eater."

Duck Dynasty Quotes from Season 5
Jase: Wrestling, to rednecks, is a soap opera.
View As List
Wrestling, to rednecks, is a soap opera.

Wrestling, to rednecks, is a soap opera.

Jase

1. Wrestling, to rednecks, is a soap opera.

Wrestling, to rednecks, is a soap opera.


I have found ticks in my whiskers.

I have found ticks in my whiskers.

Phil

2. I have found ticks in my whiskers.

I have found ticks in my whiskers.


Why did you marry him?

What was the line to make you say 'I think I'll spend the rest of my life with a guy from Florida?

Phil

3. Why did you marry him?

What was the line to make you say 'I think I'll spend the rest of my life with a guy from Florida?


Normally, I would be concerned about Willie getting hurt. But I have not seen Willie exercise...

Normally, I would be concerned about Willie getting hurt. But I have not seen Willie exercise this much since he stopped doing the TaeBo videos in the living room. And I think those were on VHS too.

Korie

4. Normally, I would be concerned about Willie getting hurt. But I have not seen Willie exercise...

Normally, I would be concerned about Willie getting hurt. But I have not seen Willie exercise this much since he stopped doing the TaeBo...


She was looking for a man who was not from the Paleolithic era, if you know what I mean.

She was looking for a man who was not from the Paleolithic era, if you know what I mean.

Gordon

5. She was looking for a man who was not from the Paleolithic era, if you know what I mean.

She was looking for a man who was not from the Paleolithic era, if you know what I mean.


I like sheep.

I like sheep.

Miss Kay

6. I like sheep.

I like sheep.


The duck call room is actually a combination of science, innovation and art, all coming...

The duck call room is actually a combination of science, innovation and art, all coming together. We are like a rednecked NASA. We are boldly going where no redneck has gone before.

Jase

7. The duck call room is actually a combination of science, innovation and art, all coming...

The duck call room is actually a combination of science, innovation and art, all coming together. We are like a rednecked NASA. We are...


They're not mad. These cows are crazy

They're not mad. These cows are crazy

Si

8. They're not mad. These cows are crazy

They're not mad. These cows are crazy


Missiles are coming out the rear ends of these animals that can provide a lot of opportunity...

Missiles are coming out the rear ends of these animals that can provide a lot of opportunity for your children.

Phil

9. Missiles are coming out the rear ends of these animals that can provide a lot of opportunity...

Missiles are coming out the rear ends of these animals that can provide a lot of opportunity for your children.


You're OK!

If there's not a bone protruding through your skin, or you're not bleeding from an orifice, you'll be OK.

Jase

10. You're OK!

If there's not a bone protruding through your skin, or you're not bleeding from an orifice, you'll be OK.


That's my crapper.

That's my crapper.

Jep

11. That's my crapper.

That's my crapper.


You like a full-figured TV like you like a full-figured woman.

You like a full-figured TV like you like a full-figured woman.

Kay

12. You like a full-figured TV like you like a full-figured woman.

You like a full-figured TV like you like a full-figured woman.


Yep. It's the childhood equivalent of a strip mall.

Jep: So, by your logic, it's too fun.
Jase: Yep. It's the childhood equivalent of a strip mall.

13. Yep. It's the childhood equivalent of a strip mall.

Jep: So, by your logic, it's too fun. Jase: Yep. It's the childhood equivalent of a strip mall.


Ice cream is not a legitimate perk.

Ice cream is not a legitimate perk.

Jase

14. Ice cream is not a legitimate perk.

Ice cream is not a legitimate perk.


The grandkids want me to talk to them on the phone, with text, and I don't know how to do it.

The grandkids want me to talk to them on the phone, with text, and I don't know how to do it.

Kay

15. The grandkids want me to talk to them on the phone, with text, and I don't know how to do it.

The grandkids want me to talk to them on the phone, with text, and I don't know how to do it.


Hey, I'm a math man.

Hey, I'm a math man.

Si

16. Hey, I'm a math man.

Hey, I'm a math man.


Decoupage is the perfect way to relax.

Decoupage is the perfect way to relax.

Jessica

17. Decoupage is the perfect way to relax.

Decoupage is the perfect way to relax.


Decoupage. It's a French word. I know it sounds kinda dirty.

Decoupage. It's a French word. I know it sounds kinda dirty.

Jep

18. Decoupage. It's a French word. I know it sounds kinda dirty.

Decoupage. It's a French word. I know it sounds kinda dirty.


You don't mix nail guns and medication. That's just not smart.

You don't mix nail guns and medication. That's just not smart.

Martin

19. You don't mix nail guns and medication. That's just not smart.

You don't mix nail guns and medication. That's just not smart.


One time, Jase even said he was better at flippin' channels.

One time, Jase even said he was better at flippin' channels.

Wilie

20. One time, Jase even said he was better at flippin' channels.

One time, Jase even said he was better at flippin' channels.


I don’t need baskets. That’s what women do.

I don’t need baskets. That’s what women do.

Jase

21. I don’t need baskets. That’s what women do.

I don’t need baskets. That’s what women do.


I love bringing old things back to life.

I love bringing old things back to life.

Kay

22. I love bringing old things back to life.

I love bringing old things back to life.


Why ain't yall working?

What are y'all doing? Why ain’t y'all working?

Willie

23. Why ain't yall working?

What are y'all doing? Why ain’t y'all working?


I gotta put a stop to it.

When I hear a sound that's particularly unpleasant, I gotta put a stop to it.

Jase

24. I gotta put a stop to it.

When I hear a sound that's particularly unpleasant, I gotta put a stop to it.


You need a weapon? Give me a flip-flop and a Big League Chew

You need a weapon? Give me a flip-flop and a Big League Chew.

Si

25. You need a weapon? Give me a flip-flop and a Big League Chew

You need a weapon? Give me a flip-flop and a Big League Chew.


Do you why, Priscilla, you don't wanna breathe those fumes? You ever seen a dead animal in...

You ever seen a dead animal in the road? That's the way your brain will look.

Phil

26. Do you why, Priscilla, you don't wanna breathe those fumes? You ever seen a dead animal in...

You ever seen a dead animal in the road? That's the way your brain will look.


The key to telling a scary story - throw a little realism in there.

The key to telling a scary story - throw a little realism in there.

Phil

27. The key to telling a scary story - throw a little realism in there.

The key to telling a scary story - throw a little realism in there.


As a hunter, I think this is one of the most enjoyable kills I've ever had.

As a hunter, I think this is one of the most enjoyable kills I've ever had.

Jase

28. As a hunter, I think this is one of the most enjoyable kills I've ever had.

As a hunter, I think this is one of the most enjoyable kills I've ever had.


She was a looker. Like them chicks on 'The Weather Channel' you know what I'm sayin.

She was a looker. Like them chicks on The Weather Channel, you know what I'm sayin.

Phil

29. She was a looker. Like them chicks on 'The Weather Channel' you know what I'm sayin.

She was a looker. Like them chicks on The Weather Channel, you know what I'm sayin.


It's easier to maintain the monotony of putting together duck calls when you're a little loopy.

It's easier to maintain the monotony of putting together duck calls when you're a little loopy.

Jase

30. It's easier to maintain the monotony of putting together duck calls when you're a little loopy.

It's easier to maintain the monotony of putting together duck calls when you're a little loopy.


So off to the store they go for ingredients, where Willie purchases "meat from a tube" (according to Jase) and Jase gets the butcher to grind up some ribeye for his delicacy.

We then return to the warehouse for the actual competition.

Who wins in the end? Viewers, of course, with Martin deeming Willie's burger a "mountain o'beef" with way "too much going on" and Jase's being so overdone that Martin spits it out.

The family members make the smart choice and head to a burger joint for lunch.

While all this is going on, Jep and Phil bond over the former needing to get some materials for Jessica's decoupage project.

This leads to Phil convincing Jep to clean out the shed in order ho haul away some recyclables, while Jessica and Miss Kay get down to the business of gluing and varnishing on a table. A table covered in rat pee-soaked newspaper, it ought to be pointed out.

Review

Editor Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
  • 4.3 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
User Rating:

Rating: 3.1 / 5.0 (7 Votes)

Matt Richenthal is the Editor in Chief of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter and on Google+.

Tags: , ,

From Around the Web

    0 Comments New Comment Subscribe




    You are posting as a guest. To post as a user, please Sign In or Register