"The New Directions plan their lives like they plan their set lists: they figure it out the night before” might be the most true thing anyone has ever said on Glee. And so begins Glee Season 5 Episode 10. 

Emma and Will are both reasonably-to-quite attractive people, and yet listening to them talk about trying to get pregnant is still kind of gross. I was on Team Sue. I did not need to know that.

Watch Glee Season 5 Episode 10 Online

I have NO idea what "Jumpin’ Jumpin’" has to do with anything, but I approve of it as a song choice. It’s just one more step toward the show being entirely made up of performances with no plot line at all.

In New York, Rachel continued to be awful and has somehow dragged Elliot/Starchild into her awfulness. Her performance of "Barracuda" was kind of amazing, though, although I feel like Awful Rachel would have objected to the strain on her voice and insisted on more Babs.

I am already laughing every time they play the Tina’s-crying-again music.

Blaine has an excellent point re: high school friendships being much easier to maintain these days thanks to the Internet. I mean, just this week I found out how ugly that girl from biology class’s baby came out! High fives for Facebook!

Ugh... more pregnancy talk. I say this as someone who is literally pregnant right now: do not want. Your advice is unhelpful, Coaches. Being told to relax when you’re trying to get pregnant is like walking up to someone with a big mole on their face and saying “You know you have a big mole on your face?”

The lock-in is canceled #THANKSOBAMA.

Elliot goes to the old apartment to do Rachel another favor (is she blackmailing him or something?) and Santana hatches a scheme to ruin Rachel’s life as quickly as possible. This episode needs more Santana.

There has now been too much talking without any songs, and I am getting bored. Wait, now it’s time to sing "Don’t You Forget About Me." Imma let you finish Glee but...actually, no. I won’t let you finish.

This was a super poor choice, as everyone knows this song was already show-choired up amazingly in Pitch Perfect. THEY DON’T EVEN DO THE ARM THING RIGHT.

Becky ruins the fake lock-in with energy drinks and Twister. Ugh, Twister is the worst.

Will and Emma are already nursery decorating, which I’m assuming means they’ll never get pregnant. I had no idea this song was called "Danny’s Song" (which it is, according to my closed captioning). Also, is Kenny Loggins sleeping with whoever chooses the music or something? That’s two weeks in a row.

Tina and Sam are making out, which is surprising to no one except for Blaine, because apparently being gay prevents you from understanding what “lock-in” is code for.

At the diner - where Rachel and Santana seem to work every once in a while - someone requests "Gloria." IT’S A SING OFF. Elliot wins, obviously, but the girls are too busy being bitches to notice. Then he quits the band and I no longer care about Pamela Lansbury.

Blaine whines some more about not having anyone to make out with. What happened to Kurt? He’s not doing much, can’t he come back for a booty call?

See, no one else cares about Pamela Lansbury either. One Three Hill gets a 6 out of 10 for punniness and a 2 out of 10 for outfits. Happy to see Demi-slash-Dani back but this show tunes/tuxedo cheesiness is no good. I’m replaying last week’s version of "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" in my head instead. Man, that was awesome.

Rachel and Santana almost make up, but that would be boring so they don’t.

Blaine finally remembers he’s in Glee Club so he has to be friends with people in Glee Club even if he doesn’t want to.

Since I just sang all of "Hold On" from my couch while making my best Wilson Phillips faces, this song wins the episode for me. And don’t act like you didn’t sing. No one can resist an a cappella break down.

Emma’s pregnant! I am surprised that worked out so well. But at least hopefully I don’t have to think about them doing it any more.

NEXT WEEK THE GUY FROM PITCH PERFECT SHOW UP AND OMG BEST GLEE EVER. I forgive you for stealing Pitch Perfect’s song.

What did you think of Glee Season 5 Episode 10? Which song from tonight was your favorite?